Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Answers to your qestions about moving to, and living in, Peru,
eugenedubbed
Member
Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:02 pm

Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby eugenedubbed » Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:47 pm

Hi, I am an American, 29 years old, livingin the northern rural sierra of Peru for about a year and a half so far. A few months ago I met a really great Peruvian man while I was on vacation, trekking outside of Huaraz. We have been dating since and it is getting more serious, but I am nervous.

I realize I live out in the provinces and that things in the city can be a bit different, but here I have never met ONE, not even one single Peruvian man who is faithful to his partner. My best friend out here has three children by three different women, and two of the kids are the same age even! And he is a pretty great guy otherwise.

I have stopped judging so harshly all of this out here. It is part of the cultural norm here, I get that. People have explained to me the concepts of La Otra, or of the Catedral y Las Capeles, as I have heard it called as well. A guy out here can be a pretty decent dude and still participate in this part of the culture. That's okay for them, but a definite deal-breaker for me.

So, this guy I met, we have talked about this and about my concerns and he has reassured me as much as he can, but I can't get over my trepidation. He is from Lima, very well educated, went to University in Europe and lived in various European countries for a number of years. He already has familial access to residency in Europe, so I tend not to worry to much about the brichero aspects. He doesn't have any particular interest in ever going to the US even, as he just wants to move back across the pond when as soon as he can. Obviously, I am taking things slow - which is pretty easy with how far off he lives! But I am worried I may be falling for him.

He has given me absolutely no reason to distrust him and actually he may be the single kindest man I have ever dated - a complete gentleman! I couldn't even get him into bed until it was serious (more than a month.) So, I feel like I shouldn't worry.

Or is he just really good at this whole thing?

Maybe I am just looking for some reassurance. I mean, I know there has to be good Peruvian guys out there, but they seem like a mythical creature from where I stand. Is it possible I actually met one? Or am I just being naive?


User avatar
sbaustin
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 2057
Joined: Sun Sep 10, 2006 1:46 pm
Location: Peru
Contact:

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby sbaustin » Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:34 pm

I'm a guy and know plenty of Peruvian friends/dudes that don't or have never cheated. That doesn't tell you a single thing about your boyfriend only that there are at least some.. Good luck.
User avatar
Kelly
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3871
Joined: Fri Mar 11, 2005 9:28 pm
Location: Lima, Peru
Contact:

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby Kelly » Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:49 pm

There are quite a few members of this forum who are happily married to Peruvian men, myself included. There have been others that have had bad luck.
lizzym
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 164
Joined: Sun Nov 28, 2010 11:18 am

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby lizzym » Fri Nov 18, 2011 6:10 pm

I'll second that they exist, but obviously can't speak for your dude personally. Taking it slow and always keeping your eyes and ears open is about all you can do, which it sounds like you're doing already. Sometimes you just can't tell if something's amiss until you understand a person's character in its entirety, and that takes time and emotional investment. So it goes. Best of luck
eugenedubbed
Member
Member
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:02 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby eugenedubbed » Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:08 pm

Thank you all so much! I already feel a lot better. Of course everything in my logical brain knows that obviously there are many decent and amazing Peruvian men, but it's been so tough convincing my emotional center to get on board. It's been quite a while out here in the campo without being able to fully relate to very many people! And the only other expats I know are in the same situation, in the campo and not meeting the greatest guys, and I have already seen a few attempted relationships go quite poorly. I just needed some confirmation from some non-campo dwellers!

Now I will just keep easing my way into this and thanks for the well wishes also. I think this guy might be pretty special. Just hope I don't screw it up with my own insecurities now...
User avatar
Omikron
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 366
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:13 pm
Location: Lima (I'm a local)

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby Omikron » Fri Nov 18, 2011 9:54 pm

I'm a Limeño and was lucky enough to receive proper education. I'm my personal opinion, that is not the way a Peruvian man should behave (HINT! Single non cheating peruvian man here :P) , but since I have never lived in Provincia like you are, and as such, have never seen nor experienced the "cultural norm", I'm not going to judge on the way men behave in rural areas because there is no "right or wrong" it's a cultural thing as you describe it.
About the man you are dating, You seem to be describing a man from Lima's High Society, therefore has been raised with "ethical values, & traditional customs" based on the western culture. As such he will cheat as much as a western man. I hope my answer clears your doubts, but I'm trying to be impartial as possible as men from different cultures shouldn't be better or worse than others, they were just raised differently.

The best thing you can do is meeting his family.
trevor33
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 168
Joined: Thu Jan 17, 2008 5:03 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby trevor33 » Sat Nov 19, 2011 10:12 am

Omikron wrote:As such he will cheat as much as a western man.


That's reassuring :lol:

This guy sounds like he would be more likely to cheat with a western woman than with a Peruvian...

But whether he does or doesn't if you don't trust him forget about it... no trust in a relationship - no relationship.
User avatar
Omikron
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 366
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 9:13 pm
Location: Lima (I'm a local)

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby Omikron » Sat Nov 19, 2011 12:06 pm

trevor33 wrote:
Omikron wrote:As such he will cheat as much as a western man.


That's reassuring :lol:

This guy sounds like he would be more likely to cheat with a western woman than with a Peruvian...

But whether he does or doesn't if you don't trust him forget about it... no trust in a relationship - no relationship.


Well yes Trevor, that's the only impartial way to describe it, in order to not hurt any Limeño, Andean, rich, poor, foreigner feelings here, but saying "oh he is educated, rich, has family & moral values and therefore WON'T cheat" is not true, so yeah.."AS MUCH AS Western man" seems to be the best way to put it :P
Champauma
Silver Member
Silver Member
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2011 6:22 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby Champauma » Sat Nov 19, 2011 6:37 pm

Also remember, cheating never about you. That goes for both men and women. If someone cheats, there's nothing you can do about it. You can however... make the time he spends with you so amazing, that you have nothign to worry about :).
User avatar
KenBE
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 864
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:25 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby KenBE » Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:55 pm

eugenedubbed wrote:
I realize I live out in the provinces and that things in the city can be a bit different, but here I have never met ONE, not even one single Peruvian man who is faithful to his partner. My best friend out here has three children by three different women, and two of the kids are the same age even! And he is a pretty great guy otherwise.



Yes, this is what I have seen here as well. My novia is from the Sierra and 90% of men there have several women at once and like 20 kids. Infidelity is not that big a deal here (at least for men) and it is kind of expected. Most Peruvian women will say things like "Ah well, he is a guy, all men cheat..." They just kind of accept it as inevitable (though it still hurts them of course).
User avatar
Drake
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 62
Joined: Sat May 14, 2011 6:19 am

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby Drake » Sat Nov 19, 2011 8:44 pm

I say take the risk and enjoy it fully, if you keep holding yourself back it might turn against you at some point.
Just remember never to loose the respect. Relationship need some work time to time. I wish you best of luck!!
goingnowherefast

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby goingnowherefast » Sun Nov 20, 2011 10:55 am

Don't believe all the tales of pimping these Peruvian dudes tell. Most of them claim to be these giant ladies magnets with like 10 women at any given time. Ask yourself if a dude who is 5 feet 4 inches and 185 lbs is going to have that many women... the answer is no. I'm not saying infidelity doesn't happen, but 9/10 times they just pretend to have tons of women to make themselves look more macho.

My girlfriend's brother has a girlfriend from England and when he's around her he tries to act all Don Juan Demarco ladies man but he definitely has one girlfriend, nada mas, and I've seen him cry over her. In my experience with Peruvians, they are far too jealous to put up with cheating, both men and women.
renodante
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1228
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:44 pm
Location: miraflores

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby renodante » Sun Nov 20, 2011 3:19 pm

Don't believe all the tales of pimping these Peruvian dudes tell. Most of them claim to be these giant ladies magnets with like 10 women at any given time


hahaha. my friend from here who i met when i first came to visit years ago, and who was instrumental in me moving here is Exhibit A for your theory. when i used to chat with him online before i moved, i had constant tales of sexual exploits and conquests, thinking to myself, "man, this guy is connected, it's going to be great being single down there with him as a wingman." i ended up living with him for 6 months. in that time, one girl came over the house once. and he spent much of his time on the internet facebook stalking girls and sulking about how they never returned his phone calls and the world was unfair.
User avatar
rama0929
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1572
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:43 am
Contact:

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby rama0929 » Sun Nov 20, 2011 3:24 pm

goingnowherefast wrote:Don't believe all the tales of pimping these Peruvian dudes tell. Most of them claim to be these giant ladies magnets with like 10 women at any given time. Ask yourself if a dude who is 5 feet 4 inches and 185 lbs is going to have that many women... the answer is no.


Depends; we talking about El Trocadero? It's possible :lol:
jude
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 180
Joined: Mon Dec 03, 2007 12:08 am

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby jude » Sun Nov 20, 2011 4:40 pm

goingnowherefast wrote:Don't believe all the tales of pimping these Peruvian dudes tell. Most of them claim to be these giant ladies magnets with like 10 women at any given time. Ask yourself if a dude who is 5 feet 4 inches and 185 lbs is going to have that many women... the answer is no.


Hahaha Got to love that about men, they can be balding with a huge gut and still act like they're hot as hell. Meanwhile women can gain five pounds and be convinced we're disgustingly fat.
falconagain
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 843
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:27 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby falconagain » Mon Nov 21, 2011 9:34 am

It does not matter whether a Peruvian is poor or well off. There is always a big
percentage of the mail population that are used to cheating. The cheap newspapers
report many of these cases on a daily basis. But it is also true that women react
accordingly. For example in the jungle (Iquitos, Tarapoto), if the women finds
out that the husband or boyfriend is cheating then she spices up the drink or
the meals with an herb (I do not remember the name now, I used to know it
by heart) that generates temporary impotence. But if the guy misbehaves again
they increase the dosage to make him impotent forever and guarantee faithfulness
forever (Personally based on the cheating cases that I witnessed, I think that it
is a good trade off, because after just having children, she only needs the guy
to work as a provider and not go around from woman to woman and then bring
some sickness back to home, this custom was inherited from the indians of the
jungle so it has been done for hundreds of years).
User avatar
susita83
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 112
Joined: Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:39 am
Location: New York
Contact:

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby susita83 » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:22 pm

I'm married to a wonderful, faithful Peruvian man. We have three children. He's an excellent father. Don't believe the hype... Not every Peruvian man is a cheat.
falconagain
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 843
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:27 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby falconagain » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:50 pm

rama0929 wrote:
goingnowherefast wrote:Don't believe all the tales of pimping these Peruvian dudes tell. Most of them claim to be these giant ladies magnets with like 10 women at any given time. Ask yourself if a dude who is 5 feet 4 inches and 185 lbs is going to have that many women... the answer is no.


Depends; we talking about El Trocadero? It's possible :lol:


Actually I know like five of this giant ladies magnets, and it is true they are able to handle
10 ladies at the same time, all of them are actually overweight (220 -240 lbs) but are able
to handle attractive women into long term relationships. (not only peruvians, but also americans
and european women) I have always wondered what is their secret. Still it really happens in reality. Unfortunately I cannot give names, as Lima is such a small city and I think that they deserve to keep their privacy.
renodante
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1228
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:44 pm
Location: miraflores

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby renodante » Tue Nov 22, 2011 8:03 pm

Ok:
First thing, why would she have to keep eyes and ears open with this guy? What makes him different from the american or european guys? I read his education was pretty good too.


Because they cheat more than us.

You want an opinion? Get it from the peruvians, not from some random group of tourists (not trying to insult anyone, I still consider myself a tourist).


if i had a sole for every peruvian woman who told me they didn't like peruvian men b/c the men think cheating is no big deal, i'd be quite wealthy. i didn't know anything about it until i heard it from peruvians themselves.
javacat
Member
Member
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:48 am

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby javacat » Wed Nov 23, 2011 1:59 am

Falconagain...I think you are referring to saltpeter...though I don't know if it can render a man permanently impotent.
falconagain
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 843
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:27 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby falconagain » Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:50 am

No its not salt and pepper. Its an herb but I do not recall the name.

Peru is full of this weird medication but they all have downsides.

Boiling caigua skins and drinking them daily will make you lose weigh, but it will also
stress your heart to the point that you end up dead.

Drinking elcampuri will cure any stomache (the stuff is so disgusting that I think
that scares the stomache), but the problem is that drinking it too much will make
you go blind.

But I still dont remember the name of the herb that makes men impotent on the jungle.

Anyway women of the Peruvian jungle are famous because they are good in bed, they
break marriages and that they are very proactive if somebody is unfaithful to them.
goingnowherefast

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby goingnowherefast » Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:01 pm

renodante wrote:
Ok:
if i had a sole for every peruvian woman who told me they didn't like peruvian men b/c the men think cheating is no big deal, i'd be quite wealthy. i didn't know anything about it until i heard it from peruvians themselves.


Haha you can't mark all their words in stone either! If I had a sole for every latina who told me their definition of cheating is when their boyfriend looks/talks with another woman I'd be quit wealthy too! Latinos can be extremely dramatic and over exaggerating and you kind of have to take what they say with a grain of salt. My gf says I'm "unexpressive", but if they had it their way every night would be a night at the opera. I blame telenovelas.

I know a fair amount of foreign women with latinos, and they seem to like especially the upper class ones because they have the whole spoon fed softy mama's boy thing happening. You won't find many guys in the States who are 29 and carry a picture of their mother around and are just debating getting their first place, and I think thats what the foreign women like.
User avatar
KenBE
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 864
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 5:25 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby KenBE » Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:15 pm

renodante wrote:
You want an opinion? Get it from the peruvians, not from some random group of tourists (not trying to insult anyone, I still consider myself a tourist).


if i had a sole for every peruvian woman who told me they didn't like peruvian men b/c the men think cheating is no big deal, i'd be quite wealthy. i didn't know anything about it until i heard it from peruvians themselves.

Same here. I say Peruvian men cheat more because that is what Peruvian women AND men tell me. I am not trying to insult anyone, just sharing what I have been told by Peruvians themselves. Of course, it is impossible for any of us to prove anything, so anyone who reads this will just have to decide who they want to believe...
User avatar
tomsax
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1394
Joined: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:28 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby tomsax » Wed Nov 23, 2011 2:34 pm

eugenedubbed,

I think you had some very good responses at the beginning of the thread.

I've worked in rural areas with Peruvian men that were from other provincial town/cities and know exactly what you mean. Most of them had some sort of affair going on while away from their regular partner back home. But not all of them did and now I remember, the best looking ones didn't! And I know many men in Lima who are faithful or at least hold that as an honorable thing to be and others who are well educated and of a high social status that aren't.

I think lizzym's advice earlier is spot on. Unfortunately getting to know someone requires some emotional investment in the process. This is just life and is especially true if that someone is from another culture that you don't know so well. It sounds like it will also be a long distance relationship which lets face it, puts faithfullness to the test over all cultures, not just Peruvian. So as she also says, take it slow and carefully. And don't be too hard on yourself if it doesn't work out.
Tom
User avatar
rama0929
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1572
Joined: Wed Feb 10, 2010 8:43 am
Contact:

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby rama0929 » Wed Nov 23, 2011 5:27 pm

falconagain wrote:
Anyway women of the Peruvian jungle are famous because they are good in bed, they
break marriages and that they are very proactive if somebody is unfaithful to them.


Yes, it's the stereotype... The gf's brothers often talk about taking me to Iquitos, which is usually followed by her throwing a chancleta at them :lol:
renodante
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 1228
Joined: Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:44 pm
Location: miraflores

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby renodante » Wed Nov 23, 2011 8:56 pm

Haha you can't mark all their words in stone either! If I had a sole for every latina who told me their definition of cheating is when their boyfriend looks/talks with another woman I'd be quit wealthy too


i'm quite sure they're not talking about the guys just looking around. but i hear you.

Same here. I say Peruvian men cheat more because that is what Peruvian women AND men tell me


i remember running a love triangle dilemma past my former roommate who is from here. his solution (exact quote) "do what we do (peruvian men), cheat."
falconagain
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 843
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:27 pm

Re: Starting a relationship with a Peruvian man

Postby falconagain » Thu Nov 24, 2011 12:10 pm

Actually both sides cheat in Peru. So the situation is pretty much even between
the sexes. It is not like one side cheats more than other. It is like this old Peruvian
joke.

The Husband goes to the provinces for 2 weeks but his stay extends to 3 months.
Every week he sends this message to the wife "Honey business is great I am buying
a lot"

At the end of the 3 months the wife replies the husband with another message.
"If you keep buying over there. I am going to have a close out sale of the same
thing over here"
(Yes a lot is lost in translation)

Meaning that the wife already nows that he is cheating and that she will cheat
or she is already cheating to reply in kind.

Obviously like everywhere there is some percentage of the population that does
not cheat. But a great part of the population get their basic social education from
the soap operas and latin movies that keep pushing the stereotype of the latin
lover.

Return to “Expat Information”

Login  •  Register