intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

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windsportinperu
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intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Tue Aug 23, 2011 11:04 am

I was thinking if intercultural relationship between:

peruvian woman and gringo or peruvian man and gringa works ?

What are the most common problems ? What is the best part ?


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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Polaron » Tue Aug 23, 2011 11:25 am

windsportinperu wrote:I was thinking if intercultural relationship between:

peruvian woman and gringo or peruvian man and gringa works ?

What are the most common problems ? What is the best part ?


From what I've observed, it works. I can tell you from experience that a relationship with a peruano and a gringo man works as well.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Tue Aug 23, 2011 8:28 pm

Works 4 us!! Been married 8 years+ , no complaints what so ever.
Been married twice before and this marriage is by far the best thing that
happened for me. And age has not been a factor ( me 57, she 28), 10 year old stepson , who I adore and a new
Baby boy (Tomas Rodrigo) on the way in 2 weeks or less.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:11 pm

It did not work in my family. Father Peruvian Mother Gringa.

My father resented my mother because she obtained her PHD using her brain.
(my father bachelor at the UNI was obtained through political influence).
Because of this since the beginning of the marriage anytime that my mother
was able to make some money. My father took the money immediately and
spend it in parties and other women, with the purpose of maintaining
the family poor and ignorant at the same time. By the time they had
25 years of marriage my mother divorced. And moved to the States.
Now she is happy that she is no longer married to my father.

Obviously that I am aware of other couples where the relationship works.
This is only an example.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Polaron » Tue Aug 23, 2011 9:33 pm

falconagain wrote:It did not work in my family. Father Peruvian Mother Gringa.

My father resented my mother because she obtained her PHD using her brain.
(my father bachelor at the UNI was obtained through political influence).
Because of this since the beginning of the marriage anytime that my mother
was able to make some money. My father took the money immediately and
spend it in parties and other women, with the purpose of maintaining
the family poor and ignorant at the same time. By the time they had
25 years of marriage my mother divorced. And moved to the States.
Now she is happy that she is no longer married to my father.

Obviously that I am aware of other couples where the relationship works.
This is only an example.


Falconian, your family's experience sounds typical, and the patriarchal response is pretty commonplace even when both spouses are Latin Americans. It's less prevalent in the ABC countries perhaps, but in the rest of LatAm it happens often whenever the female partner wishes to rise above the role of housewife. Peruvians tend to be a conservative lot.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:04 pm

it can definitely work, even more so, as others have said, when the guy is a foreigner and or gringo and the woman is peruvian.

i've found in the field that peruvian women are extremely appreciative of how much less patricarchal gringo guys are, less possesive, less jealous, generally (REALLY generalizing here) more loyal, etc.

at the same time, of course there are cultural issues that come up. for me there's independence issues more often than not. i promised myself since i'm never sure how long i'll be in peru, i wouldn't get an official girlfriend again, but i found myself back in a relationship a few months ago. the thing that gets to me sometimes is usually, when peruvians become "official" they attach at the hip. they call each other constantly, every day, want to spend every free moment with each other, etc. this has been an issue with each peruvian girlfriend i've had, i need my space and they pretty much never understand that. they perceive it as you not caring about them if you need a breather.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Tue Aug 23, 2011 10:30 pm

I haven't had a problem so far. If we have misunderstandings, we talk it out, so that we understand where each of us are coming from.

But yeah, an intercultural love relationship can work. As with anything else, it depends on the parties involved.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rgbjr » Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:48 am

Hi
My Peruvian wife and myself a born New Yorker are married for 37 years. We are happy and have the same issues as any other couple weather it be between a man and a woman or any other kind of couple. We lived in NY for 34 years and now we have been living in Peru for 3 years. Any relationship requires a commitment and understanding of the other persons wants and feelings. I do not think that it matters where a person is born, raised or their religious views are. If you are ready and really in love with the other person you can and will overcome any problems that might arise. My suggestion is to look at the other person and say am I willing to live with this other person the rest of my life. I think it is WAY too easy to give up and leave. Give it a chance if you ever loved the other person you will have a very long and satisfying life.
Bobby :D
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Alpineprince » Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:53 pm

tupacperu wrote:Works 4 us!! Been married 8 years+ , no complaints what so ever.
Been married twice before and this marriage is by far the best thing that
happened for me. And age has not been a factor ( me 57, she 28), 10 year old stepson , who I adore and a new
Baby boy (Tomas Rodrigo) on the way in 2 weeks or less.


Congrats on the new boy and increasing your SSI benefits by more than 50% ( for 13 years) if you retire at 62!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby mammalu » Wed Aug 24, 2011 3:49 pm

I can only speak for my demographic segment and it works very well when the wife is Peruvian and the husband is non-Peruvian (gosh, too much PC? lol). Many, way too many of my Peruvian female friends stayed in long marriages for the children (at least they thought they were helping the kids). With time, as divorce became less 'embarrassing' and accepted by their families, 50% of them are divorced, some are still are married but lead separate lives within the same household.

If I tell you stories, you probably wouldn't believe me. "Falconagain" I am sorry for your Mom, but I have seen many similar cases in Peru.

Tupac! Congratulations. You must be so excited. Your deserve it, I know you wanted more kids and you love so much your stepson already; that baby is very lucky.
Stand with anybody that stands RIGHT. Stand with him while he is right and PART with him when he goes wrong." ! Abraham Lincoln
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby pingouin59 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:55 pm

It works for me too! I agree with the fact that when you really love, cultural and social differences are not an issue. However I also believe there is a real difference between peruvian and North American women who are usually more independent and demanding . I am not the macho type of guy but I just love how attentive and thoughful she is, clipping my nails, ironing my shirts , choosing what I should wear to go to work. This is not submission, this is just one of the many way for her to show her love.I try to pay her back, always trying to be the best man I can be. I not only love her , I also have a lot of respect for the wonderful person she is We never have a fight, barely fussing at each other for futile reasons. I like the fact that she is younger than me 47-37, a pretty girl that I would have never dreamt to meet one day. We live a simple and happy life and we enjoy our five month old bundle of love of Enzo Gerard . I guess I was lucky to find her and I know some friends who have been badly deceived by their Peruana.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Wed Aug 24, 2011 6:35 pm

As a gringa married to a Peruvian, works for us too. We've been together for going on 10 years now (married for almost 5 now) and yeah, there are times when it was hard - there ARE cultural differences you have to learn to account for. But like rgbjr so beautifully said up there, when you really love someone, you learn to work out the differences.

When you're new in an intercultural relationship, you'll notice a lot of the differences often - but after you've been together for a while, you don't think of it as a cultural thing, it just is part of who your significant other is.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Lloyd007 » Wed Aug 24, 2011 7:25 pm

Interesting topic, especially as I plan to my marry my Peruana next month.
I'd also say that yes, gringo with a peruana does work very well and most of them appreciate the non macho style we have and the more often than not, stronger loyalty.

At this stage in our relationship and having survived all the papeleo nonsense, stress and expense, we feel we can get through anything!
One of the big cultural differences that I notice, as mentioned in a previous post, is indeed the willingness to iron, tidy up and generally look after her man, and be very happy to do so, while making a big fuss of me - which in itself is quite nice and a very positive part of our relationship even though I am more than capable of doing these things myself. And yes, it is a beautiful way to express ones love for a partner through kind acts of service for each other.

Something I am not getting used to however, is something being explained to me over and over again, in the same breath and sentence, especially when I got it the first time. We have talked about this and she said she wasn't aware she did repeat the same pont over and over (normally 3 or 4 times)... then it happened again and again and I pointed it out (with much patience) and she then acknowledged it and said she'd try to improve (if I don't get used to it in the meantime - not likely).
Generally though, things are very good and we don't fight or argue and we have a very, very fulfilling relationship. She's a great Peruana and is the right chica for me - I know it without a doubt and we're really excited about the future together.

Additionally, we've both read Gary Chapman's ''The 5 Love Languages'' book and found it to be tremendously insightful in understanding each others ''love language'' and what really makes that person tick and feel that their ''love tank'' is full to the brim, simply by speaking that persons love language and being conscious of it. I found that reading this helped breach some of those other cultural differences and gave us a special edge.

Mind you... this is only the beginning! But all the right signs are there and we are super felizes :D
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby musiclover » Wed Aug 24, 2011 9:54 pm

Thanks Lloyd007 for the advice about the book, I'm going to get that as I've also heard from others that it is a wonderful resource. In addition to having the cultural challenges, my Bolivian friend/enamorado and I are living this long-distance relationship challenge and hoping it's only short-lived, time will tell. I've appreciated all of the comments....I agree that with patience, trust, understanding and lots of love between a couple, anything can we worked through, even cultural differences! :)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:21 pm

That book also has an spanish version :

http://jastrujillo.blogspot.com/2010/07/audilibro-los-5-lenguajes-del-amor-gary.html

For those who has a love who doesn't speak english 8)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby emh » Mon Aug 29, 2011 3:51 pm

Been meaning to reply to this thread, but have had some internet connection problems. So...my two cents....of course such a relationship can work as long as both parties are willing to put in the work to make things succeed.

That being said, based on my limited experience I think there are some unique issues that have to be dealt with in these sort of relationships. Some of these probably apply to all latino-gringo relationships, not just peruvian-gringo relationships.

1) First off, I´d second what renodante said. MY girlfriend is amazing and I feel lucky to have found her but she´s definitely clingy. She told me the other day that she doesn´t like to be alone. I love spending time with her, but I also need some space.

2) From what I´ve seem, child raising in latino cultures is definitely different than in gringo cultures. Kids, for example, seem to have no specific bedtime and stay up quite late. I´ve traveled throughout Mexico, Central America and South America and have observed this everywhere I go. Contrast this with my US friends and family who have an aneursym if their kids aren´t in bed by 8pm. Kids also seem to be pampered a bit more in latino cultures, particularly the boys. I have a Colombian friend who told me she will never date a Colombian man because they´re complete momma´s boys who won´t do anything for themselves. BTW, I´m not criticizing latino culture here, just saying it´s different.

3) This one might be more unique to my girlfriend, not really sure, but boy does she like to sleep. She told me she prefers to sleep 10 hours a day and would sleep more if she had time for it. I´m the opposite, I sleep about 7 hours a day and get out of bed as soon as I´m awake so I can start doing things and living life.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:39 pm

Kids, for example, seem to have no specific bedtime and stay up quite late.


i remember when i first moved here my apartment had a view of parque kennedy. and i would trip out when looking out my window at like 1030 on a weeknight and see the playground packed full of loud kids.

Kids also seem to be pampered a bit more in latino cultures, particularly the boys.


definitely, the males are worshipped in the family and usually the girls are taught to basically serve their brothers. i've had male peruvian roomates, never again.

This one might be more unique to my girlfriend, not really sure, but boy does she like to sleep.


may be a coincidence but so does mine. i work from home and she works as a makeup artist only like 2 hours a night 3 to 4 nights a week. she's in my room sleeping right now, going on like 12 hours at this point i think. not straight, but altogether.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:02 pm

I think that sleeping thing might have something to do with the weather? The dull, drab weather makes me want to crawl in bed in stay there, too. My husband usually gets up early, but loves to take a nap in the afternoons.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:09 pm

Kelly wrote:I think that sleeping thing might have something to do with the weather? The dull, drab weather makes me want to crawl in bed in stay there, too. My husband usually gets up early, but loves to take a nap in the afternoons.


haha, yeah. if i didn't have to work i'd be in there with her in spoon mode as we speak.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:06 pm

renodante wrote:it can definitely work, even more so, as others have said, when the guy is a foreigner and or gringo and the woman is peruvian.

i've found in the field that peruvian women are extremely appreciative of how much less patricarchal gringo guys are, less possesive, less jealous, generally (REALLY generalizing here) more loyal, etc.

at the same time, of course there are cultural issues that come up. for me there's independence issues more often than not. i. they call each other constantly, every day, want to spend every free moment with each other, etc. this has been an issue with each peruvian girlfriend i've had, i need my space and they pretty much never understand that. they perceive it as you not caring about them if you need a breather.


Gringo-Peruana relationships mostly work well...as long as they stay in Peru. But when a gringo takes the Peruana to his home country, then mostly things change for worse.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Mon Aug 29, 2011 11:38 pm

But when a gringo takes the Peruana to his home country, then mostly things change for worse.


how so?
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Drake » Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:48 am

Intresting topic..

I haven´t got any cultural problems with my peruvian wife, we both feel that trust and respect is what you
need to have a good marriage. I treat my wife equal and she does the same to me. I never call her names or yell at her. Those things she doesn´t like nor I and she understands that we finnish people are sometimes just being quiet and it doesn´t mean that we are angry or something. In latin cultures it´s very colorful and loud, doesn´t bother me I like to watch them dance and have fun. The diffenrences actually makes the whole thing intresting don´t you think?
I Noticed the comment about taking your spouse to your own country changes things. The following material migth shock you so stop reading now...
Just for you information you old perverts that it´s absolutely true. You have money and you want to feel young and virile again and date younger girls. I don´t judge that if the girls choose to come with you and they say that they love you it might not be the truth. In latino culture family is everything and they do anything to get out of poverty. I know many cases where this happened. When they get to your country and get the social security and a job perhaps, guess what granpas, you´re not needed anymore. So life your lives and grow old with dignity and let the young people be.
But if you´re a poor gringo like myself and you fell in love with a peruvian, go for it. They are good people and if you remember to respect and be honest you will be happy.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tomsax » Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:25 pm

I married my Peruana nearly 4 years ago and then soon afterwards we moved back to the UK. She misses her family but there have been few other problems with living here. I'd say she has blossomed in many ways. (And she was pretty before!). She is more confident now than she was in Peru. She previously knew very little English, had never left Peru, and was rather conservative in her outlook. Living here, learning English, meeting lots of different sorts of people from all over the world has made her more worldly wise in many ways.

All this stuff about Peruvian women being "clingy" and wanting lots of commitment... well the upside of the that is that they tend to be commit big time and be incredibly loyal. So the idea of her going off now she has arrived here and has access to social security and a British passport!...luckily our relationship must have been based on something more than that!

There are of course issues to deal with. To be honest I doubt that many of them are due to cultural differences directly any more although cultural differences may contribute to miscommunication at times, or the inability of us to sometimes understand where the other is coming from. But overall I think the cultural issues have been much less of a problem than other stuff - other stuff that it is to do with each other as individuals and that requires working through whatever the relationship.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Polaron » Tue Aug 30, 2011 3:06 pm

It is true that young people sometimes target middle-aged or "mature" men for economic reasons. It is also true that young people sometimes target mature folk because they are attracted to them. That is the way things are all over the world, not just in Latin America. The trick is to avoid the natural temptation to apply gringo - or Brit - or Aussie - or any other foreign values to life in LatAm, because doing so only ends up in confusion, disappointment and stress. There's a reason why we live in Latin America and not our home countries; when all is said and done, we still like it better here.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jimuazu » Tue Aug 30, 2011 5:49 pm

The thing I like about the two Latin-American women I've been involved with is that they committed to the relationship and then worked through problems instead of bailing out when things got hard. Also, expectations were more down-to-earth and realistic. We can shout and argue, but when all the dust has settled we are still together, perhaps with a better understanding of each other's position. Mind you, both were/are pretty strong-willed, and I can be strong-willed about things that matter too.

I would say that they are not averse to a free ride, but also not averse to working hard if that's how things turn out. In the case of my wife (9 years younger than me), we went to live in London. I let her adapt at her own speed to the different culture, and as she showed interest, helped her find English courses and gain confidence being around the city, until now she really is British (not just on paper), i.e. even quite patriotic, more so than I. I didn't trust her to manage all the temptations alone all at once, just a bit at a time as she grew into it. She admitted to me after a while that she didn't like going into clothes shops alone because she wanted to buy everything. She overdrew her first bank account by mistake and had to pay a penalty, and so on -- but this is just a learning curve for Western life.

I was happy to help out with money for educational courses for relatives in Peru, to help them take a genuine step up, but when she realised I wasn't going to be a source of cash for bailing out family members who made errors, she became determined to work. So then she started working alongside her studies, getting up at 5am to go off cleaning or whatever, besides cooking and cleaning and all the rest of it. I guess I've tried to manage her transition, and we haven't fallen into any of the big traps that we might have fallen into, and so now we are still together.

She talks a lot about family and so on, and I watch, and if I think her way of thinking is off, we talk and talk until she 'gets' my point of view. So now after 5 years we are pretty much on the same page. (It is not one-sided -- I've learnt from her as well, but I am not so stubborn about admitting when I am wrong.)

She is sunny and an optimist who never anticipates problems, I am darker in character and a pessimist, always preparing for how things might go wrong. So I guess we fill in for each other's character defects. It is still not easy -- everything is a compromise -- but here we are, still together, and now living in Peru and with a newborn baby! Somehow we have made a success of it!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:24 pm

jimuazu wrote: but here we are, still together, and now living in Peru and with a newborn baby! Somehow we have made a success of it!


F E L I C I T A C I O N E S !!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby hoyce » Tue Aug 30, 2011 6:44 pm

i am displeased with the number of men i have met who are going to peru to get married or enter a relationship with a person they've only met online - oftentimes, the woman being significantly younger. i think it shows a defect in conduct and probably a lot of loneliness on the mens part; on the womens part i think it comes natural as it is fairly common in all cash-based countries that don't have a de facto form of social security. make no mistake, quite literally these men are their social security. i suppose everyone is using each other a bit.

to get a beautiful woman in peru you just pretty much have to go outside - that's it, they'll do the rest, getting into a relationship with one is nothing to be proud of. sorry if that offends but there is very little organic about it. i only try to talk to the rude ones that don't seem partial to foreigners,the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that.

but i don't know, whatever makes people happy is what they should do, even if it's based on a lie i guess : /
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jimuazu » Tue Aug 30, 2011 8:14 pm

hoyce wrote:i am displeased with the number of men i have met who are going to peru to get married or enter a relationship with a person they've only met online - oftentimes, the woman being significantly younger. i think it shows a defect in conduct and probably a lot of loneliness on the mens part; on the womens part i think it comes natural as it is fairly common in all cash-based countries that don't have a de facto form of social security. make no mistake, quite literally these men are their social security. i suppose everyone is using each other a bit.

to get a beautiful woman in peru you just pretty much have to go outside - that's it, they'll do the rest, getting into a relationship with one is nothing to be proud of.


But will it last? You're not going to marry her without running down a quick checklist at least, I hope?

In Pisaq (Cuzco), one married Peruvian told me the checklist she used for selecting her husband: he had to be kind, and he had to be a hard worker. (Actually, maybe you should try the highlands.)

hoyce wrote:sorry if that offends but there is very little organic about it. i only try to talk to the rude ones that don't seem partial to foreigners,the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that. but i don't know, whatever makes people happy is what they should do, even if it's based on a lie i guess


It is a lie if you haven't established a foundation. If you feel right together and get along, then let's say that could be the beginning of a love that lasts. The love that lasts is the affection you can see in happy old couples, that peace between them. If you don't think you can find that for her, then try again. Everything else will change over the years, but not that. If you have that foundation, everything else could be for the wrong reasons, but it is no longer a lie. (IMHO)

Yes, the whole "marry a foreigner and have a better life" game is always around, but if you understand the game, you can see where your wife/girlfriend's thoughts are leading and navigate around the worst of it.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:23 pm

Some marriages are only based on "mutual interest" instead of "mutual love" It also happen between peruvians..

"mutual interest" last some years until the interest of one of the part is not fullfilled anymore..
"mutual love" is done to last forever.. it is not the same as "mutual fall in love" it last 3 years.. at the most 5..
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Tue Aug 30, 2011 10:43 pm

hoyce wrote: i only try to talk to the rude ones that don't seem partial to foreigners,the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that.


If you look decent and can flow (no matter the language), you'll do alright in the dating world.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:46 am

Just for you information you old perverts that it´s absolutely true


an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?

it's a latina thing anyway. they often prefer older men, even ones from their own income bracket who are peruvian. they like the maturity, many latino younger guys are immature for their age. and what woman would rather date a dude who doesn't have his own place?
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:27 am

When an old man only prefer very young women, let say around 18 or at the beginning of their 20's , in Peru has a name: "viejo verde" :)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby mammalu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 10:44 am

renodante wrote:
Just for you information you old perverts that it´s absolutely true


an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?

it's a latina thing anyway. they often prefer older men, even ones from their own income bracket who are peruvian. they like the maturity, many latino younger guys are immature for their age. and what woman would rather date a dude who doesn't have his own place?


That is correct, we prefer them older (more mature, they have ran around and are ready to settle down), specially when looking to start a family (children). But, on the other hand, I have seen couples that it is obvious she didn't marry him for his body. :lol:
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:00 am

mammalu wrote: we prefer them older (more mature, they have ran around and are ready to settle down), specially when looking to start a family (children) ...


You are right, but this is only a latin preferences ?

Does the European, American or Asian women also prefer mature men ?
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Drake » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:02 am

an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?


Well yes. But just to be more precise what I meant with that is guys who are in their fiftys and looking for under 20 year-old chicks are perverts. We all need to experience life and grow to be responsible adults before we understand life fully and what we really want from it. And a relationship which is based only for financial reasons might not be that strong compared to a relationship which is based on feelings. We all have been young and we know how diffenrently we were seeing the world when we were younger.
But like someone said here in LatAm things are differend.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 11:05 am

The word "pervert" is for anyone who includes any kind of pervertion into their relationship, not only older men. I don't want to go deeper into this respect.. there is a saying:

"a buen entendedor pocas palabras" !
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby goingnowherefast » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:03 pm

I'm 29, my girlfriend is 26, and her guy before me was in his early 40's. Being a western guy with a Peruvian girl is very different. The hardest part was the difference in roles. I didn't realize it until a friend of mine told me, but she said "you can't treat her like a western girl because she's not one. If you tell her to stay home on a Friday night, she'll stay home. If you say go to the kitchen and cook dinner, she'll cook it and come back with a smile. You say jump she says how high" Obviously I don't treat her like a slave, but I easily could and dealing with that dependent mentality can sometimes be a bit much, especially when living outside of Peru. I don't want her to have to work but I'd like there to be more to her life than cooking and cleaning, but it's like fighting an uphill battle trying to encourage independent thought and telling her "no, you don't have to ask me if you can wear a dress that goes above your knees". I've learned though that's how she is, and she is content with that, and it isn't going to change.

They're wicked jealous though, if there are other women in a close proximity to me, I don't even have to look at them and she's jealous already, that isn't a joke. This makes having a social life in the Western world a bit difficult. And poop... going to the beach? Forget about it, that's asking for trouble. That's the only downside with latinas and the ironic part is, is that I'm a faithful guy and have given her no reason to think otherwise.

All in all, I'm very happy with where we stand. Things are very simple and there isn't much room for misunderstandings. Sometimes I wish she weren't so clingy and created her own life away from me, but if that's the price I have to pay for a daily good cookin', I can deal with it : P

I think all of us with latinas make our friends back home jealous though lol. I kind of have an inside laugh to myself when I see these American girls bossing their men around and the guys getting all stressed and just think to myself "ahh... only in America... one day they'll get out and realize how it should be" : )
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby goingnowherefast » Wed Aug 31, 2011 12:16 pm

I'd have to mention the only pet peeve I have with Peruvian women is the issue about cold drinks. Every night at dinner I just want a cold coke or a cold sprite to wash down my food but my girlfriend and her whole family will insist that drinking cold drinks is a death wish. She refuses to serve me cold drinks so I have to go get them myself from the fridge, then when I get back to the table I get nasty looks as I crack open my coke. Usually after 5 or so minutes she gets over it and we can continue as normal but they really take it personally sometimes. I love the Peruvian fruit drinks and all that, but I don't want luke warm fruit juice to wash down a fat steak and potatos!!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby lizzym » Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:24 pm

It took him a little while to realize that I'm not secretly a latina in gringa clothing, just like it took me a little while to realize that he really is a latino, though I got there quite a bit faster. It was mostly trust issues, which initially left me incredibly frustrated having to defend my honor all the time. But after he really got to know and understand me, he saw that I was not trying to seduce every male passing by with my eyes, and that I conversate with a grandpa the same way I do with a guy who thinks he's Cassanova (or one who fits both, as the case may be, haha.) What I thought might blossom into control issues was really just a hesitancy to trust based on his past experience with Peruvian women. Instead, it blossomed into the deepest trust that I've ever experienced. Lucky for me, he's one of the few Peruanos that doesn't mentally undress every passing woman either - he has a respect for women that would rival most western dudes' (surprisingly, based on my experience here.) And he's aware of the machismo and controlling nature of many Peruvian guys, so he's always trying to not be that way... While my independence frightened him at first, it is now one of the things he loves and appreciates most about me, as it gives him confidence that whatever happens with economic crises or whatever, I'll be right out there with him making things work, not waiting at home for some money to go shopping.

As for his part, he may check in periodically to make sure he's not smothering me in affection, but I will always eat it up. :)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Polaron » Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:33 pm

Drake wrote:
an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?


Well yes. But just to be more precise what I meant with that is guys who are in their fiftys and looking for under 20 year-old chicks are perverts. We all need to experience life and grow to be responsible adults before we understand life fully and what we really want from it. And a relationship which is based only for financial reasons might not be that strong compared to a relationship which is based on feelings. We all have been young and we know how diffenrently we were seeing the world when we were younger.
But like someone said here in LatAm things are differend.


On what basis do you make that determination?
Professional, bilingual writer at your service.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Alpineprince » Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:22 pm

Interesting but I am unsure of where I fit into the picture?
I am 58 and my wife is 30 (married 8 years) is this "Mutual interest" or "Mutual Love".
I like to look at women but never developed the ability to "mentally undress" them, am I Western or Peruvian?
Until my marriage I only dated women 18-21 am I a "Viejo verde" ?
My wife dated me when I was "broke" and can not get my SSI, what could her motives be "My man junk"?
I still like to look at young pretty women, am I a PERVERT?
Lot's of Guy's "give me the eye" on the street, could I be Gay and not know it?
People never try to sell me drugs or their bodies, opp's wrong thread!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Wed Aug 31, 2011 4:07 pm

hoyce wrote:i am displeased with the number of men i have met who are going to peru to get married or enter a relationship with a person they've only met online - oftentimes, the woman being significantly younger. i think it shows a defect in conduct and probably a lot of loneliness on the mens part; on the womens part i think it comes natural as it is fairly common in all cash-based countries that don't have a de facto form of social security. make no mistake, quite literally these men are their social security. i suppose everyone is using each other a bit.

to get a beautiful woman in peru you just pretty much have to go outside - that's it, they'll do the rest, getting into a relationship with one is nothing to be proud of. sorry if that offends but there is very little organic about it. i only try to talk to the rude ones that don't seem partial to foreigners,the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that.

but i don't know, whatever makes people happy is what they should do, even if it's based on a lie i guess : /



Most older men who go looking for a partner in another country do it because most women of their own age group are already married, have children or are no longer interested in a close relationship.

But Peruvian women are not that desperate or really looking at the money thing. Those days most Peruvian girls studying and more interested in becoming financially independent rather than looking for a partner to support them. You rarely seen Peruvians girls getting in a relationship with someone who's much older than themselves.
In some parts of the world like the Philippines and Thailand, it's 'normal' to see girls between 18 and 25 years old getting into a relationship with men in their 60's and 70's. I don't think there's too much love involved (from the girls part) They are more looking for someone who can financially support them. Their are exeptions however.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jimuazu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:24 pm

mammalu wrote:That is correct, we prefer them older (more mature, they have ran around and are ready to settle down), specially when looking to start a family (children). But, on the other hand, I have seen couples that it is obvious she didn't marry him for his body. :lol:


I think this thing about being "ready to settle down" is key -- for both Peruvian men and women as partners. If she (or he) has not consciously made the decision that it's time to settle down, then believing anything he/she says about long-term commitments is like playing a lottery.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:39 pm

People marry very young in Peru and women often get children at the age of 15, 16 or 17.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:43 pm

Alpineprince wrote:Interesting but I am unsure of where I fit into the picture?


it doesn't matter that you were a "viejo verde" I am also a pink dolphin. It is just a matter of colours :)

You hit the nail on the head.... it is absurb trying to "classify" what is good or not. or correct or incorrect in love...

For example I have never been married because I thought it wasn't important in my life. I have felt in love several times, but not that much for getting involved into a marriage. I prefer studying, working, creating, traveling, reading, etc.. But now I recently feel (last past year) that it is now my time to form a family and have children. it is an inside feeling that is growing slowly but at an steady pace. I am 46.. Some people in the peruvian society use to tell me "te vas a quedar solo" or "porque no te casas ?" ,etc. I now know I was right.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Wed Aug 31, 2011 5:57 pm

windsportinperu wrote:and have children. it is an inside feeling that is growing slowly but at an steady pace. I am 46.. Some people in the peruvian society use to tell me "te vas a quedar solo" or "porque no te casas ?"



I think those girls who told you that smelled money.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:29 pm

But just to be more precise what I meant with that is guys who are in their fiftys and looking for under 20 year-old chicks are perverts


i don't agree completely but yeah, that's quite an age gap. don't think i'd have much to talk about with someone that much younger than me but there are all kinds of variables.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 6:58 pm

goingnowherefast wrote:They're wicked jealous though, if there are other women in a close proximity to me, I don't even have to look at them and she's jealous already, that isn't a joke. This makes having a social life in the Western world a bit difficult. And *****... going to the beach? Forget about it, that's asking for trouble. That's the only downside with latinas and the ironic part is, is that I'm a faithful guy and have given her no reason to think otherwise.


Yeah, it takes a little getting used to. I told my girl that if I wanted to, I would, and I will if you keep it up, so knock it off. The skirmishes have decreased since then. But we understand each other's ways better, so it's not as bad as it was before. :lol:

But there are moments... :evil:
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:01 pm

Drake wrote:
an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?


Well yes. But just to be more precise what I meant with that is guys who are in their fiftys and looking for under 20 year-old chicks are perverts.


Pathetic is the word I'd use.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:01 pm

Drake wrote:We all need to experience life and grow to be responsible adults before we understand life fully and what we really want from it.


And what better way to experience life and grow to be a responsible adult than to have an older partner to learn from? :twisted:

:mrgreen:

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