intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

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falconagain
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Sun Oct 23, 2011 4:56 pm

When I was younger, I did not care about the older younger couples.
But now that I get older I see the advantages of the relationship with
somebody younger. Then if at a certain point in time I am way older
and I have the opportunity of getting together with a younger peruvian
Salma Hayek. I think I might take a step forward for something like
that.


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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby gojirasan » Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:48 am

Omikran, here in America women also expect you to make more money than they do. I have seen this in every country I have ever spent time in. Women expect you to be 'superior' in pretty much every way. They want you to have more money, be taller, stronger, smarter, better looking etc. They want to be able to admire you. To look up to you. For you to be better and more skilled at most things. This is also why they are so attracted to confidence, regardless of whether you have the competence to back it up.

As a man, I don't understand any of this. It's definitely a female thing. Well except wanting someone better looking. I think everyone in the world wants to get someone as physically attractive as they can. The closest I can come to understanding it is trying to think of the qualities I might want in a father. Like if you could choose your father. All I want in a woman is someone who is physically attractive to me whose personality I like. I can't imagine sizing her up to see if she meets certain criteria, whether consciously or not. It makes me cringe just to think of that.

As far as age, I think it does matter. Mainly because of looks. People are just not as attractive after, say, 30-35. Especially women. But men too. I think most of the problems that arise in such relationship are mostly because the older person is much less attractive than the younger one. I think the best chance of such a relationship working is when the younger person is ugly. This evens things out. One is ugly because of age and the other because they were born that way.

Consider the case of a 20 year old girl Peruana who is beautiful and a 40 year old Canadian guy who is still really good looking and in really good shape. I don't see any inherent problem in that relationship just because of there ages.

OTOH, consider a fortysomething American guy who was never good looking even as a teenager and that same 20 year old Peruana. It's probably not going to work, but the problem is not his age. He would have had the same problem with her even at 20. No matter how good looking you were when you were young, age is the great equalizer. You will eventually be ugly. Just like those people you pitied in high school.

The bottom line with intercultural relationships is that many of the same rules apply. If you are with a girl from another country that you never could have gotten in your own country you can be pretty sure that she doesn't love you. Regardless of how many times she expresses affection for you in a convincing way. This is especially true if there is a large income disparity between you. Even in the same country, a large disparity in income AND looks can be a warning sign to be suspicious.

Needless to say, the two people should have fluency in a common language. That was a problem for me with the one serious intercultural relationship I had, which was with a Cuban girl. She didn't speak a word of English and my Spanish was just not that great. It was adequate for day-to-day communications with her. Even without a dictionary. And armed with dictionaries we were able to communicate more difficult ideas, but it was always such an effort. A struggle. And sometimes impossible without a translator. Just once I wanted to express some subtle and complex ideas to her, but I couldn't because my Spanish just wasn't good enough, and I knew a literal word-by-word dictionary translation wouldn't do it. Also, when you are not fluent you can never really be sure that what you said is what you meant to say.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby sanbartoloian » Mon Oct 24, 2011 7:48 am

Well we are into our 25th year. It works most of the time. It's a relationship and takes work regardless of culture. I had a few challenges with in-laws but I an not too sure that is limited to intercultural relationships. That also sometimes takes work and understanding. The gift of Peru is precious. I not only found the love of my life in my wife but in the country of Peru.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Alpineprince » Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:06 am

Old vs Young
Beautiful vs Ugly
Peruvian vs Gringo
Sick vs Healthy
Menopausal vs Virile

You should also add fat vs skinny!

I never liked fat girls until a man older and wiser taught me:

"They are warm in the winter and provide shade in the summer"!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Thu Feb 28, 2013 6:26 pm

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. It's sometimes confusing to determine whether a difference
between two partners is simply due to the fact that they are two separate people and /or because they come from a different culture.

I thought my boyfriend's excessive (in my opinion) needs for sleep & naps in general was just his thing...now I see I may not be alone :lol: and here recently, I even asked him if he might have narcolepsy, lol.

We do joke about the warm/cold beverages thingie. He asked why I don't enjoy fish or fresh fruits/veggies more often - I tell him it's not so much of a lack of desire, but availability here in our landlocked US suburb.,

Thanks for all the interesting comments, Barbara
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Alpineprince » Fri Mar 01, 2013 1:23 pm

Married 8 years today and still going strong!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Fri Mar 01, 2013 2:19 pm

Congratulations...

I've enjoyed around this forum. I see that many are here via marriage to Peruvians...the demographics here seem to favor more American men married to Peruvian women, which is interesting, but in my case it's the other way around.

Seems in general, most of these relationships are between people 40+, so I think that helps too. I doubt if I would have been as patient 20 years ago with handling our differences, although there's a lot of irony too - we also have lots in common.

Yes, I have heard about Peruvian culinary superiority too...too many times, lol.

Barbara
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Fri Mar 01, 2013 8:32 pm

Congrats, Alpineprince!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Sat Mar 02, 2013 8:56 am

You will eventually be ugly. Just like those people you pitied in high school.

Has to be the most entertaining sentence in this entire thread...

Barbara
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby SilverbackPeru » Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:54 am

I think there's certain benefits for Peruvian women when dating a gringo due to the whole macho culture here of a certain percentage of men here who basically cheat like hell without any sort of care for the impact and loss of trust it has on a relationship.

Then to a lesser extent is the hitting of partners. I'm not saying this is wide spread, but it does happen a hell of a lot more than back home, and my other half has told me about the phrase "the more i hit you, the more i love you", unfortunatly with the wifes crazy sense of humor she'll spend the next 30 minutes trying to give me dead arms followed by "te amo"!

Despite knowing that there's less chance a gringo will probably cheat, the women do still seem to be extremely paranoid and combined with how conservative Peruvian culture can be, you will end up with a lot less freedom in the relationship back home, and certain things won't be accepted here.

Take for example, my wife and brother had a School reunion with friends. All of them married, but none of the people wanted to take their partners as it was just for the school friends only. Unfortunatly i was told by the wife because the group of friends would be men and women that none of their partners would let them go alone if it was a mixed party. This ended up with the school friends making excuses to their partners of where they were going. The guys said they were going to a guys house to drink with the guys, the women for a girls party etc. They all joked about the excuses they made at the party, but most were pretty shocked that my wife didn't need to make an excuse and that i just let her go. The better half also said how none of her brothers would let their wifes go to a party on their own! I still have a bit of difficulty believing this, so some conformation if it's like that here would be great!

Also unfortunatly the wife can be a bit paranoid, she wouldn't mind me going out with friends back in the UK but sometimes she would be hardwork when out, asking random questions like who would you sleep with among your friends, and she would be pretty annoying at times. Sometimes some of my friends could be a bit jersey shore on a night out, so Jokes like female friends lifting their tops up for a joke ended with a night of nagging as well of "did you look"!

I just get the impression that the whole macho imagine of guys has left relationships with paranoia here, that or my wife is barking mad! lol
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby SilverbackPeru » Sat Mar 02, 2013 11:59 am

I've also heard off friends how it's the same culture in eastern Europe in places like Lithuania, how basically because the guys all have drink problems, cheat and beat the other half that it's amazing easy for westenerns to pull there just due to the simple fact that your not a ba****d!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Sat Mar 02, 2013 2:15 pm

SilverbackPeru wrote:I've also heard off friends how it's the same culture in eastern Europe in places like Lithuania, how basically because the guys all have drink problems, cheat and beat the other half that it's amazing easy for westenerns to pull there just due to the simple fact that your not a ba****d!


Eastern Europe has a different problem. Due to certain conditions their male population is on the
decline. Because of that women are literally desperate and get any man available. Many Americans
are in the know about this which is why a group of well off and not so well off Americans try to
stay over there due to the main advantage. That they have sex non stop for several months with
different women without any compromises. It is not for everybody, but if I had the money for an
extended vacation I would do it. The advantage is indeed very appealing.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby chi chi » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:51 pm

falconagain wrote:Eastern Europe has a different problem. Due to certain conditions their male population is on the
decline. Because of that women are literally desperate and get any man available. Many Americans
are in the know about this which is why a group of well off and not so well off Americans try to
stay over there due to the main advantage.


Ha Ha Ha. That was so before the Berlin Wall. Eastern European women now go in droves to Western Europe to work and they make more money than most Americans. Eastern European women prefer Eastern European men. In Western Europe, it's full of Eastern European women and 99.9% lives there with there Eastern European partner.
Most Eastern Europeans don't like Americans. And if the marry one, then the purpose is to get a visa, divorce him, get his money and remarry their Eastern European partner and bring him over to the US.

falconagain wrote:Many Americans are in the know about this which is why a group of well off and not so well off Americans try to stay over there due to the main advantage. That they have sex non stop for several months with different women without any compromises. It is not for everybody, but if I had the money for an
extended vacation I would do it. The advantage is indeed very appealing.


They end up paying the bar tab, get a lot of (fake) phonenumbers from girls and promises to (never) meet again but everyday they go alone back to the hostel where they will sleep alone. And after spending a few weeks there, they go home alone. No girls and no money left. Just a bunch of (fake) phonenumbers.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Sat Mar 02, 2013 7:44 pm

Chichi, you are indeed terribly misinformed or have watched to many american
tv produced cable movies about eastern Europe. Your post is full of common stereotypes
that are shown in the media.

What I meant by population problems is that there is whole cities in Eastern Europe,
specially Lithuania, Letonia and Estonia, plus their neighbors where the proportion
of males to females are 5 women to 1 man or less. If you knew how to read Russian
you would be aware of this. Due to that, the women have no alternative that to
literally court the foreigners (specially Americans) to get married because for them
is a situation of now or never due to the demographics.

While it is true that a good percentage of this women earn more money than the
average american. The low fertility rates of the European countries that are close
by does not allow them to get a husband unless they are willing to become the lover
or enter into bigamy.

It is obvious that the smart Americans never marry, and the smarter ones actually make
the women to pay everything.

Now, obviously there is an organized mafia for mail order brides that commits a lot crimes.
But they operate in a completely different way.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby SilverbackPeru » Sat Mar 02, 2013 9:49 pm

You are right ChiChi about how eastern european women move to western europe for jobs and usually go there with their partners, but you also shoot your arguement about americans in the foot at the same time.

Why marry an American when all you need to do is move freely in the EU to the west to pick up a job say in france or germany that would pay more than the same position in the states due to the exchange rate. Why bother going thru a divorce etc when you don't even need to get married.

You see plenty of the eastern Europeans work in the west for several years make enough money to buy a house an then return back to their homeland.

Falcon is right about the ratios to women to men in certain cities as well, it really is sometimes like 5 to 1. Vilnius where a work buddy would go every year with his lithuanian girlfriend had sometime like the 5 to 1 ratio mentioned. He use to return back here with info from his girlfriends friends asking about any free single guys who fancied going over on holidays. But back to the original thread, it was mentioned how women from Lithuania would hate to see their guys have a beer because of how some of the guys were with drink back home, and how spousal abuse could be. Like mentioned in this thread you see how men cheating in Peru effects womens attitudes.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby chi chi » Sun Mar 03, 2013 11:19 am

SilverbackPeru wrote:

You see plenty of the eastern Europeans work in the west for several years make enough money to buy a house an then return back to their homeland.


Those days are over. Life isn't cheap anymore in Eastern Europe. Buying a home in places like Bucharest, Warsaw, Budapest...is more expensive than in most cities in the US.
A home in Spain or Greece is cheaper these days than in most Eastern European countries.
In Belgium, the Eastern Europeans buy a lot of homes.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby SilverbackPeru » Sun Mar 03, 2013 6:47 pm

actually ChiChi houses in places like Poland have dropped by as much as 20% to 35% since 2008.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Sun Mar 03, 2013 8:17 pm

In my situation, my partner and I are compatible in several areas - I chalk those up to similar upbringings - both raised in loving, extended families and both similarly educated, holding advanced degrees, etc. - so we think alike and emote alike, but our value systems are different. I am a Protestant who finds lots of aspects of the Catholic church and Catholicism to be confusing.

Additionally, we have some issues surrounding first world vs. third world realities.

Only speaking for myself, I would find it difficult to enter into an intimate relationship with some economically disadvantaged to me...depending on the circumstances, it could almost be exploitative.

I've heard some Latino men claim they prefer American women because they view them as more independent and not seeking a man just for his wallet. I realize these are generalizations, just like American men wanting Latinas for other reasons.

Barbara
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Mon Mar 04, 2013 12:48 pm

jimuazu wrote:
hoyce wrote:i am displeased with the number of men i have met who are going to peru to get married or enter a relationship with a person they've only met online - oftentimes, the woman being significantly younger. i think it shows a defect in conduct and probably a lot of loneliness on the mens part; on the womens part i think it comes natural as it is fairly common in all cash-based countries that don't have a de facto form of social security. make no mistake, quite literally these men are their social security. i suppose everyone is using each other a bit.

to get a beautiful woman in peru you just pretty much have to go outside - that's it, they'll do the rest, getting into a relationship with one is nothing to be proud of.


But will it last? You're not going to marry her without running down a quick checklist at least, I hope?

In Pisaq (Cuzco), one married Peruvian told me the checklist she used for selecting her husband: he had to be kind, and he had to be a hard worker. (Actually, maybe you should try the highlands.)

hoyce wrote:sorry if that offends but there is very little organic about it. i only try to talk to the rude ones that don't seem partial to foreigners,the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that. but i don't know, whatever makes people happy is what they should do, even if it's based on a lie i guess


It is a lie if you haven't established a foundation. If you feel right together and get along, then let's say that could be the beginning of a love that lasts. The love that lasts is the affection you can see in happy old couples, that peace between them. If you don't think you can find that for her, then try again. Everything else will change over the years, but not that. If you have that foundation, everything else could be for the wrong reasons, but it is no longer a lie. (IMHO)

Yes, the whole "marry a foreigner and have a better life" game is always around, but if you understand the game, you can see where your wife/girlfriend's thoughts are leading and navigate around the worst of it.


You will be held against that checklist for life (:

I looked for one thing myself, a woman who has a history of family (extended). Also, one that had a child already (show responsibility - kid well takn car of - not spoiled). I have seen to many guy bring single woman back home and BAM! they disappear or file abuse charges to get a visa for battered women. (not discounting that there are guys who batter these women)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:17 pm

A big part of what my husband says attracted him to me was that I was the opposite of everything his ex-wife (Peruvian) is.

We've had problems, but we worked them out. We've been together since 2002, married since 2006.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:54 pm

"Visa for battered women" - I have never heard of this, are you speaking about the US?


Congrats to you Kelly! Relationships are the best kind of work in my opinion.

My novio is quite different from my former husband - he's able to find humor in virtually any situation, he listens, he jokes around and he gives great advice, lol.

One of our silliest differences surrounds iced versus warm beverages... I think that is American vs. the rest of the world thing :lol:

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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:08 pm

ok..I am noting two things that I wonder are unique to my parter or Peruvians in general:

He seems to have a boatload of pride and cares very much about what people think.....seems like he would personally suffer greatly before letting anyone think he made a mistake or error.

Second - when people asks where he comes from, he mentions his specific neighborhood in Lima. When referring to other income classes here in the US, he refers to neighborhoods. This seems different. We are in a large metro area here in the US and in this area, people usually identify by profession vs. neighborhood...as a way of identifying one's social class. I think this is regional and in other areas, people even here in the US do the same.

Barbara, off to make myself a cold drink!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Wed Mar 06, 2013 4:22 pm

BellbottomBlues wrote:He seems to have a boatload of pride and cares very much about what people think.....seems like he would personally suffer greatly before letting anyone think he made a mistake or error.


This is VERY Peruvian.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby BellbottomBlues » Wed Mar 06, 2013 7:55 pm

This is VERY Peruvian.[/i]

Wow, interesting. I liken it to the guy who brags to his friends about his great new retirement home in Florida, which later after he moves to Florida, turns out to be a piece of swampland, so then he goes into all kind of debt to build a real retirement home just he doesn't have to reveal the truth...as if it was his personal failing.

Barbara

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