In Peru with nothing to do

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jacqueson
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In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Wed Jun 17, 2015 2:11 pm

Hi.

I don't think anyone remembers me from February, when I posted questions about Tarapoto.

I come from the Philippines and I've been in Lima since 35 days ago, and my situation has become a nightmare. I had an online girlfriend since November, and the girl apparently never told anyone about our relationship, even after I got here to get to know her more in person. We've been going out since I got here until last week, and when her ex found out, and she had to make a decision to either be with me or be with him, she chose the ex over me. They got engaged last night, after she accepted my proposal last week.

There's no financial damage, just a bruised ego, and a broken heart. I have some friends in Peru, though most of them live in other cities, have work, or still study. Obviously I'm still devastated, but I have to move on. I don't want to talk about our situation anymore, as there is no "us" to talk about, and a week of worrying and not being able to think clearly is more than enough for any person to take.

My entry permit lasts until September, and I plan to re-enter to stay until the end of the year to figure out something to do here in Peru, then I might head home if I don't encounter anything here that's worthwhile to do. I don't want to go back; I don't know how to face anyone back home after risking everything for my foolish endeavor, and I'll never hear the end of it from my family.

I have a seasonal online job that is very flexible and will resume in September, so I have a full 3 months with nothing to do, and I don't want to waste my time thinking about what happened, as much as I can help it.

*** My question is ***

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do here to get my life back on track? Be it a business prospect, a job that can get me a work visa (doubt it), or polishing my Spanish, or some other thing that I haven't thought of?

*** End of question ***

Thanks...


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sbaustin
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby sbaustin » Wed Jun 17, 2015 4:33 pm

I don't have any suggestions for you, however you did have a great adventure and learning experience.

What line of work are you in?
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby mammamia » Wed Jun 17, 2015 5:14 pm

Jacqueson, sorry to hear about what have happened to you. Unfortunately, this situation isn't unusual. Things like this happen all the time. I believe the best thing for you to do would be to swallow your pride and come back to the Philippines. There's no place like home and your wounds will heal faster there for sure. Of course, before you leave (and if your finances allow it) take a tour, see some sites. Looking for a decent job in Peru may be very stressful may only add to your suffering.
jacqueson
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Wed Jun 17, 2015 5:37 pm

I kinda like it here. I don't want to go back. Might as well maximize the situation.

I'm currently an online freelancer, doing sports analysis. I don't have work until September when USA varsity sports (high school / college) resume. until then I have enough.
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tomsax
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby tomsax » Wed Jun 17, 2015 5:39 pm

Jacqueson, your post is very refreshing as it shows great honesty, great self knowledge and a willingness to face up to hard truths.

Of course you must be devastated.

But you have to look at the positives. You have had a lucky escape from this horrible lady. I have to say that I have known Peruvian girls like this who have been delusional and decieptful in online relationships. But not all Peruvians are this bad.

I very much agree with sbaustin that you have had a great adventure and learning experience.

If you have the money to go travelling then Peru has so much to offer. I have not actually set foot in Peru for some time but when I was there you could travel and pass the time in some great places at very affordable rates. I imagine that there are still places to do that.

We all make mistakes. I don't think you should be so ashamed of yourself. Better to have made a fool of yourself than to have always been wondering what if... ? Surely if you are as honest with your family as you are with us then they will realise that you have learnt from your mistake and it is time to move forward, without any I told you so's.

Your glass is most defintely half full. To be honest, I sort of envy you. I am in the UK, married, with a young family and know pretty well exactly what I will be doing tomorrow, in one week in six months time. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and this is the life I have chosen. But, you on the other hand are in Peru, a wonderful place, and with so much freedom you don't know what to do with yourself. Oh if I was in your position....
Tom
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Thu Jun 18, 2015 1:46 am

Thanks for your response Tom.

I believe that each person is unique, and while generalizations are often made, there's still always the exception. I am not blaming anyone but myself that this happened, and I have to move on.

The adventure doesn't have to stop. The learning experience will never stop. I've also posted on the "expatriates in peru" facebook page and I've gotten overwhelming support, some even reaching out to message me privately. They helped me realize that I'm not the only one who made my mistake, and some even had it worse, and despite their problems, they are fine right now. Just need a bit more time to get over it. They've also suggested travelling around Peru, among other things.

Your sentiments about trying than not to have tried at all, were exactly what I was thinking before I took this failed risk. I know that I tried my best with good intentions to get the girl, but the misinformation that i was provided ultimately led to the result.

Family will always be family and they will be worried sick if they find out, so I'll try to fix my situation as best as I can before telling them anything. I do not regret my decision, I just feel bad that this all happened.

I wanted to settle down and be happy, but unfortunately it didn't work out the way I wanted. I knew what i wanted to do, but right now, without her, all other options are now available to me. I still want the same thing, but without the girl that I knew (or i thought i knew), I will have to start from nothing.

I didn't purposely look for a peruvian girl, I met her online last year in a game that i play and things developed from there. I'm keeping my doors open but I'm not actively seeking a replacement for her.

Since i'm already in Peru, and i do have some other friends that i met in-game, I'll try to explore my options with their support, and the expat community as well, and see what's in store for me, just like you said.
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby teamoperu » Thu Jun 18, 2015 3:59 am

Well, you could always strangle her. But I suppose you thought of that in passing and rejected it as a bad idea.

Time cures. You know that. You are going through the normal stages. You are in Peru. Millions spend $$ to get here and you are already here. It is June. You only have July August before your September work. You have so little time to see more of some wonderful places in Peru! Set a 2 month project. Yeah, set a goal to learn Spanish. You are here, why not. Gives you a short time purpose and goal, something positive to do. Just imagine if you could master Spanish, how proud would you be of that? But you have little time. Get a move on!

Move out of Lima, the weather is changing and it a big city. Go to smaller more relaxed place. Go north young man to the sun and beaches. Chiclayo? Maybe Piura. Get a one month hotel deal with a pool. Get up, eat breakfast, then do 3 hours on an online Spanish course each and every day. Work hard. Life needs balance: mind, body and soul. A travellers life is busy just living, just going to eat, accustomizing, getting wash done etc, etc. You only will have so many hours disposible. Use them. Go to the gym or skateboard park or whatever your preference for exercise. With the few hours left, meet people in the park. Maybe find a university student, they have time, who will trade you English for Spanish lessons. You could find someone like that in just a few days here. Someone will know someone. When you wander, use your dictionatry app to translate and try to understand how the language works, not just memorize. They do amusing things with the language. Do not go carousing and drinking at night, get back to the hotel early and get sleep. You have work to do. You have a mission and so little time. You are on a mission to learn Spanish, you cannot dally or even take one day off. Work 24/7. Watch subtitled movies. Talk to people randomly asking whatever question to kick things off. Like “I am here for a short time. What should I see in your city before I leave?” or similar.

Hey, you were planning on taking that girl to restaurants and showing her good time. Taking someone always costs double. Now you can go to twice as many places alone for the same cost. Or find someone who will go to a beach bungalow with you for the weekend, get immersed in speaking the language. Best way to learn. Trade off her food and accomodation for a promise to improve you Spanish. Make it a business deal, not a romance. He/she can be your tour guide, helping you learn the Peruvian (inexpensive) way, combis, collectivos, buses. Live Peruvian. Learn Peruvian.

You have such a great adventure in front of you and so little time. Get a move on!

You can turn a lemon into lemonade and make yourself and your family proud. It is entirely within your control to change course and to turn what you now see as a mistake into a success and learn a new culture and language to boot.
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby caliguy » Thu Jun 18, 2015 11:56 am

jacqueson wrote:*** My question is ***

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do here to get my life back on track? Be it a business prospect, a job that can get me a work visa (doubt it), or polishing my Spanish, or some other thing that I haven't thought of?

*** End of question ***

Thanks...

hey jacqueson,
why not get into some biz with coffee while you're here? after having met you and observing your talents with coffee, there's gotta be something up your alley. maybe visit a coffee plantation or coffee broker here in Peru. i'm available if you want to visit or do something together :D
every place has it's own spirit. you just need to tune into it.
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asgp
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby asgp » Thu Jun 18, 2015 12:10 pm

Jesus. You all seem to be really great people. Jaqueson I have nothing to add to this but take these people advice.

I feel bad for those who lost that special significant other here in Peru. I am one of them, and I envy you too, you had it easy. Some of us weren't that lucky, in my case it has been pure agony.

And yes, Peru is beautiful to travel, overwhelmingly beautiful, amazing. I've met so many interesting people, places, I fell in love with the culture and the music and with nature. Unique trully beautiful experience in almost two years.

Like you, I departed home leaving it all just for a chance of hapiness, I had it, but life doesn't always go our way, everything changes, it's a non ending cicle. Here I discovered that family will be family forever, no matter what.

Now I am in the process of getting ready to pick up whats left of my life here from the floor, and fly back home. And don't get me wrong, I don't wanna leave this awesome place, but unfortunately inmigration here in Peru is not tourist friendly, sadly for us its a shame.

Who knows what is life getting ready for us tomorrow. It is always an adventure.

Let me know if you are/will be in Lima so we can have some drinks and toast our bad luck :lol:, I cand also help you with spanish. I have nothing to do but enjoy what's left until I depart.
jacqueson
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Thu Jun 18, 2015 7:09 pm

hey jacqueson,
why not get into some biz with coffee while you're here? after having met you and observing your talents with coffee, there's gotta be something up your alley. maybe visit a coffee plantation or coffee broker here in Peru. i'm available if you want to visit or do something together :D

Hi. I actually have a plan but I don't know where to start, and I have other friends who are locals (a couple) that are interested, too. We can talk soon (within the next week), but I'm still figuring out exactly what I want to do.

Jesus. You all seem to be really great people. Jaqueson I have nothing to add to this but take these people advice.
I feel bad for those who lost that special significant other here in Peru. I am one of them, and I envy you too, you had it easy. Some of us weren't that lucky, in my case it has been pure agony.
And yes, Peru is beautiful to travel, overwhelmingly beautiful, amazing. I've met so many interesting people, places, I fell in love with the culture and the music and with nature. Unique trully beautiful experience in almost two years.
Like you, I departed home leaving it all just for a chance of hapiness, I had it, but life doesn't always go our way, everything changes, it's a non ending cicle. Here I discovered that family will be family forever, no matter what.
Now I am in the process of getting ready to pick up whats left of my life here from the floor, and fly back home. And don't get me wrong, I don't wanna leave this awesome place, but unfortunately inmigration here in Peru is not tourist friendly, sadly for us its a shame.
Who knows what is life getting ready for us tomorrow. It is always an adventure.
Let me know if you are/will be in Lima so we can have some drinks and toast our bad luck :lol:, I cand also help you with spanish. I have nothing to do but enjoy what's left until I depart.

Thanks for empathizing. I don't want to leave >< and I'm looking to find purpose so I have a reason to stay. Where is the usual expat hangout for drinks and stuff?
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tomsax
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby tomsax » Fri Jun 19, 2015 4:52 am

jacqueson wrote:Your sentiments about trying than not to have tried at all, were exactly what I was thinking before I took this failed risk. I know that I tried my best with good intentions to get the girl, but the misinformation that i was provided ultimately led to the result.



A failure is not falling flat on your face, failure is falling flat on your face but not cashing in on the expereience, not trying again and not being able to take further necessary risks.

or to quote from "Little Miss Sunshine",: "A loser is someone who never tries. If you are still trying, you're not a loser!"
Tom
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby asher » Fri Jun 19, 2015 11:54 am

I don't normally agree with Teamoperu but on this occasion his advice is nothing short of inspiring.
Best of luck to you jaqueson, I hope things work out well for you.
jacqueson
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Fri Jun 19, 2015 3:32 pm

You only have July August before your September work. You have so little time to see more of some wonderful places in Peru! Set a 2 month project. Yeah, set a goal to learn Spanish. You are here, why not. Gives you a short time purpose and goal, something positive to do. Just imagine if you could master Spanish, how proud would you be of that? But you have little time. Get a move on!

Move out of Lima, the weather is changing and it a big city. Go to smaller more relaxed place.


Thanks for the encouraging words. Everyone seems to suggest perfecting my Spanish, so I will definitely do that. I've been using funny/broken spanish for a month now, I can get my message across but it's not enough to be considered fluent.

I'm trying to figure out the nitty-gritties to start a business.

More than half a dozen people recommended me to go to Cuzco for a few weeks/months to clear my mind.
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby ironchefchris » Fri Jun 19, 2015 8:36 pm

Dealing with what you've been going through is never fun in the moment, but you seem to be handling it well, have a good attitude, and have received some good advice up thread. It's a definite learning experience that you'll carry with you through life. As the saying goes, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

In addition to the advice you've already received, I'd suggest staying in youth hostels during your travels in Peru. Great way to meet others your age who share your sense of adventure and perhaps your interests and you're bound to meet some people who will become long term friends. Let me know if you head to Cusco and pass through Arequipa on the way. (It's suggested to acclimate gradually to the change in altitude and many spend a few days here before continuing on to Cusco; also Colca Canyon is close by). I'll show you around and you can educate me in the finer points of the AeroPress and coffee in general.
jacqueson
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Re: In Peru with nothing to do

Postby jacqueson » Tue Jun 23, 2015 3:07 pm

Dealing with what you've been going through is never fun in the moment, but you seem to be handling it well, have a good attitude, and have received some good advice up thread. It's a definite learning experience that you'll carry with you through life. As the saying goes, "that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger."

In addition to the advice you've already received, I'd suggest staying in youth hostels during your travels in Peru. Great way to meet others your age who share your sense of adventure and perhaps your interests and you're bound to meet some people who will become long term friends. Let me know if you head to Cusco and pass through Arequipa on the way. (It's suggested to acclimate gradually to the change in altitude and many spend a few days here before continuing on to Cusco; also Colca Canyon is close by). I'll show you around and you can educate me in the finer points of the AeroPress and coffee in general.


Thanks Chris. I'm still having my low moments, but I don't want to go home and waste this opportunity. It's too easy to go home, though I have to listen to the "i told you so"s forever; I went to Lima to be with the girl and start a new life, I guess I have to start one without her.

I'm looking for a place to stay right now, hopefully with like-minded people. I do plan to go to Cusco, and serveral folk have suggested that I stay there a couple of weeks or months. I'll definitely contact you if I pass by Arequipa, and I'd bring my aeropress of course.

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