Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

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sublimeperu
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Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Mon Oct 05, 2015 12:00 pm

Hi guys,

This is a really tough one for me at the moment for all kinds of reasons. I'm hoping by sharing my thoughts on this that I can get a bit more clarity about the right path to take!

I've been with my Peruvian man now for 9 months officially, however, we met at the beginning of last year when I was first in Peru and dated a little. We're currently living together, although I am still on a tourist visa and have been here for time working on projects and such. Things didn't get off to the best start as the ending of his previous relationship was a little complicated (the mother of his daughter) although she was the one that ended things. He wasn't completely honest with me in the beginning about how complex things really were or how little time had passed since they'd broken up. During this time, if I'm honest I wasn't taking things too seriously and I could sense that things were not exactly as he was saying they were. After an interesting month of dating, I discovered that he had text another woman bascially inviting the idea of meeting up, my initial reaction was of course to kick him to the curb. But after this incident the truth about absolutely everything came out. He went to work away for a short amount of time and wrote me letters daily, saying he didn't realize what he'd had and such. It was a grueling period for me, working out whether to forgive this guy and actually move forward and take the relationship seriously, however I really felt his sincerity in all of this and his desire to be different. He doesn't have a good history for fidelity in honesty and I've always had the perspective of ónce a cheater, always a cheater. That is also very much in the culture of things here, where we live. I know very few men here (and some women) that don't seem to value that in a relationship and I've been here a while.

Anyway, the point goes that he has transformed tremendously ever since all of this stuff came out. He himself has made decisions to stop spending time with friends who go out and pick up girls, saying that he has a different perspective on things now and he always prioritises me and wants me to be there when socialising. It's difficult sometimes, because we socialize with some of his friends who do have wives and are unfaithful, but the point remains, he wants me to be there. The lies have diminished completely, and this is a man who always lied. He's very honest about his history as hard as it is to hear, and although i don't like it, I take it as a good sign that he's willing to be open with me about it. I can feel and see that he loves me alot and he's brought forth these changes to show me that. I don't know if me being from a different culture has given him a different perspective on things or not? Maybe so. It is hard for me in some ways to believe that someone who has always been unfaithful can really maintain those types of changes for a life time, but I'm wondering if it's different for a guy where this is learnt behaviour from his growing up and surroundings?

Anyway, I have a good relationship with his family and I finally got to meet his daughter last week despite some initial issues with the ex, he really wants me to be in her life and we have a lot of plans going forward. It's a little complicated with my status here in Peru, because I am still on a tourist visa, and border hopping after 2 years is getting very complicated for me and of course my opportunities are limited. I know in an ideal world, maybe waiting a few years to get married to someone is better, but I can't imagine trying to border hop for another year or 2. I am in love, but obviously very cautious about his past, because I don't want that to be my future. I also know that he isn't in it for the visa, because he doesn't really have a strong desire to learn english and can't imagine being away from his daughter or family.

Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated, I don't want to idealize marriage and how that would change things, of course I want to be sensible. I know divorces aren't an easy process here!

Thanks


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sbaustin
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sbaustin » Mon Oct 05, 2015 1:51 pm

Marry him! Or Not! It would be kind of hard to give you any quality advise without knowing either of you personally. That being said, if you have any ounce of distrust, I would not go down the path of marriage.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby ironchefchris » Mon Oct 05, 2015 2:22 pm

I'm sure it's more involved and complicated than what you tell us in your post, but I noticed the big negative you listed seems to be lack of trust, 'once a cheater...,' while the only positive I see listed is that it spares you the hassle of border hopping. It sounds like if it weren't for the border hopping issue you'd probably wait a few years and see how things pan out in the relationship. If it were me, based on what you say, I'd wait. But I don't know all the details and obviously don't walk in your shoes. Good luck.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Mon Oct 05, 2015 2:37 pm

Hi, thanks for your responses. of course it's hard to give a full response based on the little bit of the picture I've painted for you. It's true to say that i do feel some distrust based on his history and also based on my experience of the general attitude towards fidelity in the place that he's grown up, but not based on what I'm feeling in the present. I think if someone gives you a reason to distrust them then it can be a bit of a process to rebuild that. My issue at the moment in terms of time frames is the fact that I honestly don't know how much longer the fronteras will allow me to keep passing in this manner and I really don't want to be left in a situation where I can't be with the guy that I love! I know there's really no black or white answer to all of this, it's just helpful to get insight from other people here who understand more about the culture and difficulties with Visas!

Cheers
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby adrian Thorne » Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:00 pm

You have quite a conumdrum. Your present situation with a visa that expired a minimum of 18 months ago, prevents you marrying until that is sorted out, which must be actioned prior to January 1st. Coupled with a cultural issue, which is quite normal thoughout Peru. ( I must admit not sanctioned by wives, just accepted as a way of life.) If possible I would suggest you have a break from each other, by going home for a few months and seeing how things pan out. At least you will confirm your feelings and trust. Plus you will then be clear of visa problems if you decide to tie the knott.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:33 am

Hey, thanks for your response. Could you explain a little more about what you said about visa expiry? I've been getting stamped every 3 months since I've been here. Is there another factor I haven't thought about here?

Thanks a lot!
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby adrian Thorne » Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:54 am

Thank you for clarifying. It sounds as if you have been getting a 90 day visitors visa and renewed, by border hopping every three months, as extentions are no longer allowed. This is fine, but I suggest you may not be able to continue from 1st January as the laws change to restict movement of tourists. The final regulations will be published shortly. In your case if you leave on or after the 1st January you could be penalised and prevented re-entry for a period of time.

There is a phrase we use in England. "Absence makes the heart grow stronger" and in your case it is worth considering. When we married any application had to performed withing thirty days of visa inception and if the case now, you do not qualify
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:45 am

Forgive my ignorance, I'm not so clued up on all the legalities. Is that within 30 days of visa inception or visa expiration? I have a friend who was here for almost 4 years on a tourist visa and has just married lately with no issues. I'm a little confused on the details! It's really not looking very positive in this moment and it's hard scrawling through everything. My spanish is passable but not perfect which makes it harder to get all the info I need!

Thanks for taking this time to respond to me!
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:48 am

I'm imagining that even if we got everything into process now, that I'd still have to have a period away from the country whilst finalizing a residency, which you can only have after 2 years of officially being here. Is that correct?
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:50 am

Very confused!
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:53 am

Sorry, my excessive questioning, but i have a company here that would sponser me for a work visa. Do you know if that process is faster than getting married and a residency confirmed?
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby Sergio Bernales » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:22 pm

sublimeperu wrote:Sorry, my excessive questioning, but i have a company here that would sponser me for a work visa. Do you know if that process is faster than getting married and a residency confirmed?


That depends on the company, but I think given the nature of your relationship and the issues you've mentioned, going for the work visa would be the wiser choice.

https://www.migraciones.gob.pe/index.ph ... igratoria/

https://www.migraciones.gob.pe/pdf/serv ... atoria.pdf

A TRABAJADOR (Temporal y Residente)
Requisitos:
1. Formulario F-004 (gratuito). El que se obtiene en la página web: http://www.digemin.gob.pe
2. Recibo de pago del Banco de la Nación por derecho de trámite (S/.117.60 nuevos soles).
3. Copia fotostática simple del pasaporte con vigencia mínima de un (01) año o del Carne de Extranjería o
del Carne de Protocolo (diplomáticos, consulares y oficiales) vigente, según corresponda o Tarjeta
Andina de Migración (sólo para temporales).
4. Ficha de Canje Internacional – INTERPOL (para todos los ciudadanos extranjeros que solicitan
residencia, excepto menores de edad).
5. Copia fotostática legalizada notarialmente o autenticada por el fedatario de la DIGEMIN del contrato
de trabajo aprobado por la autoridad administrativa de trabajo, con excepción de los casos
comprendidos en los artículos 3 y 6 del Decreto Legislativo Nº 689, su reglamento D.S.Nº 023-2001-TR
y modificatorias.
6. La ficha RUC de la empresa contratante debe encontrarse en situación de ACTIVO y HABIDO.
7. Copia legalizada notarialmente o autenticada por el Fedatario de la DIGEMIN de la copia certificada de
la vigencia del poder del representante legal de la empresa contratante actualizada y expedida por la
Oficina Registral.
8. La empresa peruana contratante debe tener trabajadores inscritos ante SUNAT.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby adrian Thorne » Tue Oct 06, 2015 1:49 pm

sublimeperu wrote:Forgive my ignorance, I'm not so clued up on all the legalities. Is that within 30 days of visa inception or visa expiration? I have a friend who was here for almost 4 years on a tourist visa and has just married lately with no issues. I'm a little confused on the details! It's really not looking very positive in this moment and it's hard scrawling through everything. My spanish is passable but not perfect which makes it harder to get all the info I need!

Thanks for taking this time to respond to me!


I am sorry, but without factual information it is impossible to offer advise.
1/ Logically and legally you cannot marry while you are in the country illegally. Therefor the visa must be valid during the time of application.
2/ It is impossible for your friend to live in Peru with a valid visa for four years. The maximum you can hold a tourist visa is 183 days. He would
then need to border hop (leave the country) to qualify for a new visa for up to 183 days. Unless you are here illegally, you must have renwed your visa.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:07 am

Hi Adrian, I've been border hopping and so I'm not here illegally. I'm up to date with all my stamps! It's a little confusing because I read all these rules before about maximum stay per year but it has never been enforced since I've been here. also, as I mentioned I have friend who were in the same boat as me for alot more time and haven't been presented with any issues once they have married! my only concern in this moment with the new regs is that if we went through the process of getting married now, that I wouldnt be able to stay in the country before my visa was processed and I know this could take time. It's hard to know how strict they'll be on things like this!?
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby MarcoPE » Wed Oct 07, 2015 9:25 am

If you are legally here in Peru, and decide that you want to get married (though based on what you stated earlier, I would definitely think long and hard about that), once the marriage takes place and all the documents required are submitted to DIGEMIN, it typically takes about 30 days for the process - you will be issued a CE and then you will be a resident. The 2 years you mentioned earlier is, after 2 years of residency with a CE you can then apply for citizenship and if you meet all the requirements of that then you will be issued a DNI. My own personal opinion: if you have the option to do it through your employer, do it; typically if you are expressing your doubts about your significant other in a forum, that generally is not a good sign. Anyway, best of luck...
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby victmanu » Tue Nov 03, 2015 9:34 am

Do not marry a peruvian We are mean people. :D
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sbaustin » Tue Nov 03, 2015 12:48 pm

The OP is asking for advice for marriage and then asking if getting a visa by work would be faster. That should say enough about whether to get married or not.

Sorry, my excessive questioning, but i have a company here that would sponser me for a work visa. Do you know if that process is faster than getting married and a residency confirmed?
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Fri Nov 06, 2015 9:00 am

Hi thanks for all the advice on this forum. Well I've decided that I'm going to go for it. We don't have the option of just having time apart because of this new law. Well it would be a minimum of a year but weighing everything up that would be difficult for both of us logistically, financially, everything. We've spoken to migraciones who said that once we are actually married they can give me a little extension which will carry me until getting my carnet. Obviously we have to move pretty fast from now. It's been a really tough decision to make but I feel we are a little backed into a corner with this new immigration law. I know that there is always the possibility that things won´t work out as many marriages don't but sometimes you have to just think about the present moment. I know he has a questionable history, but I can see that I am his first priority in this is moment, and he doesn't gain anything financially from this marrriiage and I am 100% he is not looking for a british visa. Sometimes people can change with age and upon meeting the right person. I call him out on his stuff and he knows my bottom line. I'm the one that gains everything, like the right to work, and I can come out of the shadows abit and have more options here, no more border hopping and I get to not have to leave someone that I love! So, in some ways even if things don´t work out. I've still gained the most benefit, not that it's all about that obviously.I think it¿s just wise that we leave kids out of the equation for a long time as I know that that could complicate things!
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Fri Nov 06, 2015 9:02 am

Oh yeh and after looking into work visa options it doesn't look good for me as I don't have a degree. It's not impossible to get a work visa under those circumstances but it requires a lot more work to prove while you are better suited to the job over a peruvian. It's alot more money and there are no guarentees.
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby Sergio Bernales » Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:20 am

You could always consider marriage, but sign a separacion de patrimonios, so that any possible split in the future will not involve fights over assets. What's yours will remain yours. At least if you don't buy anything jointly. If you do buy a home, for example, it would be best if it was only bought by one person. However, as far as I'm aware, if children are involved, things change. By the way, you don't really gain much with a carnet, apart from not having to border hop. Unless you're an enterprising person who plans to run a business, the right to work here means almost nothing without the right contacts, the right degree, the right language skills. You are right about his chances of getting a UK visa for your boyfriend. The conditions are pretty strict so I doubt that's a motivation for him. Possibly your biggest problem in the relationship is that he likes la vida criollada. That probably won't change, unless you start putting bromide in his ceviche.

http://www.visalogic.net/uk/uk-spouse-visa/4/103

http://www.divorciosporinternet.com/sep ... atrimonios
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Re: Should I marry my Peruvian boyfriend?

Postby sublimeperu » Fri Nov 06, 2015 4:26 pm

Hey we are certainly not going to be having assets for a long time as I have a lot of debt, which he is happy to take on with me and even if this was to pass in the end I'm really not materialistic, I wouldn't want to waste my time fighting over something. I'm not sure what the terminology la vida criollada is but I´m assuming that´s related to infidelity. It´s true to say there are no guarentees on that one given his history but certainly in this moment he´s putting me as a priority in his life, even at the expense of some of his friendships who we would have previously spent weekends going out with, drinking and meeting girls. He´s actually a pretty good guy who´s never really been challenged before for his actions. I really sense as well that he feels that I´m good for him, and I get comments occasionally from people that know him saying how happy he appears to be with me. I know that it´s not an impossibility though, especially as it's such an ingrained behaviour in his life, but I think I need to take the risk. He knows my bottom line and knows that one time is too much. In terms of work, where we´ve been staying in the jungle there are a couple of different companies whou would be happy to take me on, I´m really quite happy teaching english and I know it still needs a little organization post marriage to officialize that but it should be fine.

Thanks for all your input on this one everyone, it's been really helpful.

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