Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

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TXgirl
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Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby TXgirl » Fri Oct 30, 2015 8:18 am

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for adding me to the site. Quick background: I'm a 41 year old professional woman from the U.S., I spent a lot of time visiting Peru with my ex. He was an American citizen but we visited Peru and other SA locales nearly every month for the past 4 years.

I came to really love the beauty of Peru, the food, trips to the Amazon, the friendliness of people once you became close to them. HOWEVER, my ex and I didn't work out even after a lot of counseling and hard work, and while I'm not a saint, I just could not deal with how critical and negative he could be, whether in the U.S. or Peru. His little Napoleonesque mother was even worse. Then I began to realize that, at least in my experience, Peruvians have this odd culture of being exceptionally critical, even when the person speaking is a complete loser; but then they can turn around and be some of the friendliest, most helpful people I've ever met. It's like mass multiple personality disorder!

My conundrum is that I'd like to live in Peru for a few years, maybe pick up some work, enjoy the culture, use it as a jumping off point for travel (I'm not full of cash, I just budget carefully so I'll def need to supplement my income!) but...as many nice people as I have met, I really feel bad when people have a nasty attitude so much. I personally have witnessed criticism of the disabled that in the U.S. Would be dumb if a 12 year old said it. Television personalities are beaten down, gossip is like a religion. As far as personal attacks, I'm either a snobby white woman because I'm very tall with blonde hair and green eyes, large chest; or I'm gorda because I wear a big bra and wear a U.S. size 6 to 8. I'm not personally offended by this, as I am a middle aged Amazon gringa in this land of smaller people lol. It's mostly the fact that LITERALLY everyone is mean to others for EVERYTHING. While some people might say it's just the way or whatever, I feel like it creates a toxic feeling to an otherwise friendly culture. And again, I have truly never met so many people who are, I believe, at heart, friendly and helpful, but absolutely rude and mean on the surface.

My question: does this get better? Am I just sensitive? I've travelled quite a bit with my work and my military parents, and I cannot think of a culture/country that I'm so drawn to yet so afraid to engage with again because I just don't want all that negativity in my life. Maybe I had a horrible experience with unusual people? My former mother in law, as I was lying in the hospital recovering from a heart problem, told me if I walked more I would have been fine and I caused all my own health issues. But she wished me the best! Lol.

Any advice/perspective much appreciated!


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sbaustin
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby sbaustin » Fri Oct 30, 2015 2:26 pm

TXgirl wrote:Hi Everyone,
Then I began to realize that, at least in my experience, Peruvians have this odd culture of being exceptionally critical, even when the person speaking is a complete loser; but then they can turn around and be some of the friendliest, most helpful people I've ever met. It's like mass multiple personality disorder!


My question: does this get better? Am I just sensitive? I've travelled quite a bit with my work and my military parents, and I cannot think of a culture/country that I'm so drawn to yet so afraid to engage with again because I just don't want all that negativity in my life. Maybe I had a horrible experience with unusual people? My former mother in law, as I was lying in the hospital recovering from a heart problem, told me if I walked more I would have been fine and I caused all my own health issues. But she wished me the best! Lol.

Any advice/perspective much appreciated!


First, your experience is yours, not representative of Peru. Maybe you need to find better people to associate with. Secondly, individual people don't change. Peru won't change. If you can't adapt and change you will hate it here. Last, why do you care about what other's say and think to or about you? You control your own happiness why give other people that power over you?
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby TXgirl » Fri Oct 30, 2015 4:35 pm

Wow, you're an expat and you're really reading what I wrote and responding as if I want to set Peru aflame? I openly stated that I adore Peru, even though my marriage to a Peruvian-American didn't work out, I'm not bitter about that, I simply made some observations about the behaviors of people in a country where I had family ties for years. I would happily make similar observations about my friendly, yet large and ketchup demanding US compatriots!

I also stated that, at over age 40 and as a guest in another country, I am not offended by comments made towards me regarding looks, attitude, etc. I simply find that, in the 17 countries I have lived in during my life, Peru puzzles me the most because there is an undeniable warmness and friendliness to people, yet people tend to voice nasty criticisms about others, and for no reason at all. I was simply attempting to understand this phenomenon.

As for your suggestion of "finding better people" to associate with, now that was offensive. My Peruvian friends are good people, many highly educated both in Peru and abroad, and though my former mother-in-law and I did not get along splendidly, she is a hard-working woman and I did enjoy most of my marriage to her son. I do not think I have been associating with bad people. The Peruvians I know and care about agree that this is a thing in Peru, being critical and gossipy, but since it is part of their culture they have a difficult time explaining it.

I was simply looking for thoughts, not to start a heated discussion. I do not have any ill intent toward Peru or its people; each country's people have quirks that can be difficult for outsiders to understand, and I don't think it is offensive to ask questions.

Have a good weekend.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby sbaustin » Fri Oct 30, 2015 7:39 pm

You asked for opinions so I gave my opinion based on what you wrote.

** Edit **

Let me quote you, "It's mostly the fact that LITERALLY everyone is mean to others for EVERYTHING". You either think everyone in Peru is mean or everyone you knew was mean. Not sure why you'd think my opinion about finding better people to associate with is offensive based on what you wrote.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby fanning » Fri Oct 30, 2015 8:59 pm

Also I read your post as SBaustin, and for the 10 years I live in Peru, I don't really get the feeling you apparently had. Yes, Peru sometimes is conflicting, but you learn to live with it. If you are unhappy with it, you will always be unhappy with it, and get more and more excited about how 'wrong' Peru seems to be.

Today we presented to BCP the amounts of CTS we are going to pay to our employees. Not because we are really going to pay those amounts to them, no simply because the law obliges me to present before the 31th of October those amounts. In reality we present the EXACT amounts around the 12 of November, but the law makes me tell the bank from now on the amount.
In branch 1 they make all kind of problems, that we need to present it with and USB stick etc, and not accepting our written form.
Branch 2 of BCP ( or the employee was just ignorant ) knows the Ministry of Work law, and simply stamps my written 'cargo', knowing I will present the real amount in an electronic way.
We went to the first bank, and they came up with all kind of red-tape. I told to just go to another branch, present the same paperwork, and it would be accepted. It actually did, so for the Ministry of Work I am OK now.

The thing is, if I would get all excited about that in branch 1 they came up with some bullshit story, and in branch 2 they accepted it, and therefore would call 'Peru' as a difficult country, I will ALWAYS have problems in Peru. Because Peru just is Peru, and you live by it.
The thing is just to accept how is Peru, be happy with it, and live your life. If you are getting all excited, and make a huge problems about how these things 'work' in Peru, well then you will never be happy living in Peru.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby tupacperu » Fri Oct 30, 2015 9:23 pm

sbaustin wrote:
TXgirl wrote:Hi Everyone,
Then I began to realize that, at least in my experience, Peruvians have this odd culture of being exceptionally critical, even when the person speaking is a complete loser; but then they can turn around and be some of the friendliest, most helpful people I've ever met. It's like mass multiple personality disorder!


My question: does this get better? Am I just sensitive? I've travelled quite a bit with my work and my military parents, and I cannot think of a culture/country that I'm so drawn to yet so afraid to engage with again because I just don't want all that negativity in my life. Maybe I had a horrible experience with unusual people? My former mother in law, as I was lying in the hospital recovering from a heart problem, told me if I walked more I would have been fine and I caused all my own health issues. But she wished me the best! Lol.

Any advice/perspective much appreciated!


First, your experience is yours, not representative of Peru. Maybe you need to find better people to associate with. Secondly, individual people don't change. Peru won't change. If you can't adapt and change you will hate it here. Last, why do you care about what other's say and think to or about you? You control your own happiness why give other people that power over you?


Totally agree.. You go to Peru you have to adapt and be wise who you choose to befriend. Seen a lot of broken relationships (friends or lovers), many tried to change Peru into the US and try to change people. You have to adapt. Married to a Peruvian and dealing with family and friends of my wife is definitely challenging.. But I take it in stride..
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby tupacperu » Fri Oct 30, 2015 9:38 pm

Sounds a lot like the US, NY or LA.
You think Peru is uncomfortable? Try being Black in the US. I prefer the classism in Peru over the racism in the US.
#1 reason for living in Peru, money talks. In the US, I am just another Black man, though I am quite accomplished.

Give me Peru with its quirks any day.

.....My wife is tall, and I know quite a few tall Peruvians, not all are small....:)
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby AncientAlien » Sat Oct 31, 2015 12:10 am

lol.. if you dont like it, start in another country. Simple.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby DC_20833 » Sat Oct 31, 2015 7:43 pm

AncientAlien wrote:lol.. if you dont like it, start in another country. Simple.

.
Agreed. I considered leaving a year ago but stayed. A Peruvian friend put it like this when you encounter bad experiences. "It is like using soap in the shower on shoulder you wipe it on and rinse it off and the dirt." Really good advice in any situation when you look at it.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby adrian Thorne » Sun Nov 01, 2015 12:54 pm

A little tongue in cheek and loose with the language, but a warm welcome to Peru:
https://youtu.be/7UFRDVRZZck
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby sbaustin » Mon Nov 02, 2015 5:35 pm

adrian Thorne wrote:A little tongue in cheek and loose with the language, but a warm welcome to Peru:
https://youtu.be/7UFRDVRZZck


Adrian, did your wife see it? Curious as to her thoughts on it. Mine almost threw my phone out the window although I quite enjoyed the humor of it all.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby KenBE » Mon Nov 02, 2015 7:24 pm

sbaustin wrote:
adrian Thorne wrote:A little tongue in cheek and loose with the language, but a warm welcome to Peru:
https://youtu.be/7UFRDVRZZck


Adrian, did your wife see it? Curious as to her thoughts on it. Mine almost threw my phone out the window although I quite enjoyed the humor of it all.


The video is very critical of Peru so I can see why some Peruvians would find it offensive (even though the guy who made it is Peruvian himself). It IS pretty funny though.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby Polaron » Wed Nov 25, 2015 4:55 pm

I loved the video; thanks for posting the link!
Professional, bilingual writer at your service.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby 1234expat1 » Mon Dec 28, 2015 2:06 am

There are critical people in other countries too, not only in Peru. Try Empathic Communication to get to the root of what they are trying to communicate. I know it takes skill and patience to live in other country. Good luck.
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby tjmccurdy » Tue Apr 05, 2016 12:32 pm

Unfortunately, this video is spot on, and after living here almost 7 years, I can't stand the culture. All Peruvians seem nice... until they queue up or get in a line - then watch the pushing and shoving begin!
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Re: Debating returning to Peru/critical Peruvians

Postby dez » Tue Apr 05, 2016 1:47 pm

I got a better one. And I should video it. Have you ever been to Mass in Peru? At communion time? It is duck and cover hide the children. Christian love is thrown to the wayside.

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