Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

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Englishsettler
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Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:54 pm

Hi all

Not an opinion i like to be looking for but i would appreciate the view of people here who are much more in tune with Peruvian culture, dating and relationships in peru.

I haver been dating a lovely gorgerous lady in lima for the past 2 weeks. Whilst i have had that experience in a couple of other south american countries, im very new to peru and as yet don't know the culture well at all.

Anyway, in all the time we have been seeing each other ive been living in a hotel and when i go out in the evening ive been taking the lady out as well and going to restaurants. In all that time she has not once offered to share the bill. Frankly, im feeling tired of it ( its getting mighty expensive !)Besides that all is fine between us but now it's bothering me. Im asking your opinion as to whether this is a common dating custom in peru. Weve talked about potential to progress our relationship ( its been intense so far) but im now at the point that i feel i want to discuss this with her and be honest, because as say its bothering me and i want a partnership going ahead. Maybe im being unreasonable ? Honest opinions sought !


El Jefe

Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby El Jefe » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:15 pm

Englishsettler wrote:Hi all

Not an opinion i like to be looking for but i would appreciate the view of people here who are much more in tune with Peruvian culture, dating and relationships in peru.

I haver been dating a lovely gorgerous lady in lima for the past 2 weeks. Whilst i have had that experience in a couple of other south american countries, im very new to peru and as yet don't know the culture well at all.

Anyway, in all the time we have been seeing each other ive been living in a hotel and when i go out in the evening ive been taking the lady out as well and going to restaurants. In all that time she has not once offered to share the bill. Frankly, im feeling tired of it ( its getting mighty expensive !)Besides that all is fine between us but now it's bothering me. Im asking your opinion as to whether this is a common dating custom in peru. Weve talked about potential to progress our relationship ( its been intense so far) but im now at the point that i feel i want to discuss this with her and be honest, because as say its bothering me and i want a partnership going ahead. Maybe im being unreasonable ? Honest opinions sought !


You ever heard of the term "brichera"?
If not, then look it up.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:21 pm

Please expand !
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:26 pm

Ok i read what is a brichera .Now im feeling totally negative. Guess i will play safe and give up as i cant work out if im being used. Im normally an instinctive person but maybe this girl is over convincing. No idea !
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby roggin » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:31 pm

What world are you from? Judging by your prose, you must be British Here in the Americas men are men and we always pay, it is a sign of sincerity and a source of pride. You do not do that in England?
If you are getting nothing in return and complain you are the bichera. lol Look honey, there are a lot of men in Peru that will pay for your dinner. Look up Polaron in this site. Are you a man or or what? Get over it
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:37 pm

Yes, im british ! Yes, in uk women are very insistent on being equal and would normally offer to share the bill. For me, i would have liked even once if as a gesture she had offered. I would have declined and insisted to pay anyway. 3 weeks of paying for everything is wearing my pocket. Guess its not for me and it isnt because i don't like her.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby roggin » Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:51 pm

Here men are king. And the king has to be benelavant she is your queen not your equal. You bestow upon her. It is a miserly king that expect his consorts to pay for dinners. Penney's for the rewards. Why are you seeking American women and not Brits?
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jan 30, 2016 8:19 pm

Sadly I cant fulfill the role of a king, especially tjhe financial side! Never mind plenty of fish in the sea.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby caliguy » Sat Jan 30, 2016 9:07 pm

Englishsettler wrote:Sadly I cant fulfill the role of a king, especially tjhe financial side! Never mind plenty of fish in the sea.

you do realize that if you get out now, you'll have to do it all over again. here's a suggestion, ask her to make you dinner one nite. (no excuses allowed from her, ie, idon't have any food in the house, i'm tired, etc). Peruvians are very well known to be proud of their food! this will at least give you an idea of how she feels for you. and always keep the best wine for last.
every place has it's own spirit. you just need to tune into it.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sun Jan 31, 2016 2:18 am

In fairness, she has cooked for me twice. I think shes genuine but taking up the tab all the time going ahead is a little intimidating for me. So, if im not doing so, then what happens?
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby gringolandia » Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:59 am

Roggin is basically correct, though I wouldn't have phrased it that way. In Peru the sex roles are very traditional: man pays, woman is subservient.

It is slowly changing, but even my Peruvian wife who lived with me in the US for many years feels the need to serve me my dinner plate at family functions, particularly if her mother is there.

How expensive are these meals you are paying for? You going to very upscale places? If so, just be honest and tell her you can't afford top tier restaurants every night.

If you're already going to cheaper places and can't afford to buy her dinner then... you need to figure out a way to supplement your income. A single person from first world country should be able to afford such expenses with no problem. How would you expect to pay for a family if you can't afford dinners?? You better believe her mother will be asking her that question.

And yes, most Peruvian women are looking to start a family. And soon. That too is slowly changing, but it will be a long time before women here are like European women who often have no desire to ever have children.

Bricheras are a whole separate issue, but yea, watch out for that too. More so if you've been dating a while and still haven't met her family. Family here in Peru is *hugely important*, and if she hasn't gotten around to introducing you to them after dating a few weeks then I'd say the odds of her playing you go up significantly.
Last edited by gringolandia on Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby KenBE » Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:30 am

I think it depends on how much you are spending on her. If it is only a couple of cheap dinners then I guess it is ok. If she only wants to go to expensive places and also wants you to buy her gifts, clothes, etc. then she may be a gold digger/brichera.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Rivers67 » Sun Jan 31, 2016 4:30 pm

This is going to be a cultural difference as more western countries the bill is usually split 50/50. I guess a previous poster who doesn't understand different cultures and hasn't heard of the suffragettes won't understand this.

Yes here men are expected to pay but that is changing and not all people think like that. There are a lot of bricheras and so you have to figure out if she is an honest person or not as lots of people get burned.

I would also recommend you find out more about the cultural differences before you get involved in anything serious as there are some things that will really start to grate away at the relationship. Partners tend to be very jealous here and you won't have the same trust levels if you go to do anything on your own. Expect the spanish inquisition if you are friends with another woman or if there are any in the group when you go out. Also expect family to be involved in everything and their opinions voiced on everything about your relationship. Some of the really old fashioned families will be shocked if you go on a weekend away and (a) get a room together at a hotel, (b) some family don't go with you!

Also the man pays for everything goes thru to everything in some from paying for house, clothes, kids, kids school, medical care and all this after divorce! As said a mother in law will be thinking if you can't pay for dinner how will you pay for all of those.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:54 pm

In effect for.the first 7 days of my stay here Inmiraflores I have paid for every snack, drink ,lunch and dinner out which was every day. She was off work for a week. The next 7 days its been every evening meal as she was back at work and we were together every night. We havent been to cheap.places in general but.not the most expensive every night eitheir
Anyway, im sure shes serious about me etc I. I. I. But i.put it.down to cultural expectations. Just.
I like her but Ive become weary of it and i.guess it.isnt for me....i just cant be comfortable like that...as the previous cimment stated it will never cease. Probably just as well I get out now.
Im sure she will find the right man to pay for everything but im not him. Such.is life.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby gringolandia » Mon Feb 01, 2016 1:06 am

Good luck. Whatever happens, at least now you're going forward with eyes wide open.

Just to clarify one thing: most married Peruvian women I know do continue to work and contribute to household expenses after marriage. So it's not exactly like the man necessarily pays for everything forever. It can be that way, but in my experience usually not. I even know one case where a women married a fireman, and that's an unpaid job here in Peru. She makes quite a bit more than he does at his secondary job. Her family was not happy with that, but she did it anyway for true love or some such thing.

You asked about dating and not marriage, but I didn't want to leave the impression that Peruvian women are forever bottomless pits where you toss your money and they provide nothing.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Mon Feb 01, 2016 9:14 am

Thanks for all your comments. Ive decided its not for me. Ihave one week left in lima and i.want to give my pocket a rest so no more! I couldnt see an end to it and i was too uncomfortable to have to broach the subject with her...
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby El Jefe » Mon Feb 01, 2016 12:39 pm

Englishsettler wrote:Thanks for all your comments. Ive decided its not for me. Ihave one week left in lima and i.want to give my pocket a rest so no more! I couldnt see an end to it and i was too uncomfortable to have to broach the subject with her...


I'm not following you.
Are you leaving her high and dry with nary an explanation?
After being in an "intense" relationship with her?
Bollocks!
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby tomsax » Mon Feb 01, 2016 6:06 pm

I wouldn't be as blunt as el jefe but agree it would be courteous and decent to explain if you are ditching her.

If its of interest, I paid for everything when I first met my wife. I don't think she ever offered to pay for food though I think she might have offered me the odd bus fare! But that was 15 years ago and she now has a job and contributing to the family kitty, she is very responsible with our money and now often offers to pay when we go out. But not when we were dating!

If you feel it is getting expensive, then say so, and ask if you can go to some cheaper places. If she doesn't accept that, (or offer to pay) then perhaps she isn't the right person for you anyway and discuss that. But don't just drop her without any explanation.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby gringolandia » Tue Feb 02, 2016 8:10 am

So you're only in Lima for three weeks and you're asking relationship advice? You're in the wrong country to be looking for a three week fling with no strings attached.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby someotherdude » Tue Feb 02, 2016 10:00 am

gringolandia wrote:So you're only in Lima for three weeks and you're asking relationship advice? You're in the wrong country to be looking for a three week fling with no strings attached.



What would be the right country?
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby gringolandia » Tue Feb 02, 2016 11:19 am

The OPs bome country of Britain, for one. British girls are notoriously easy, and according to the OP they'll even pay their own way.

Hungary is a great place to find hot women who don't necessarily expect anything long term. The women there spend a huge percentage of their income on making themselves look amazing, so it would be a shame not to show them you appreciate it.

Plenty of free love in Brazil, too, so I've heard. No personal experience with that, but it's pretty much famous for it, yes? And also the STDs that come with it.

And of course the good ol' US of A has developed its own renown for its millennial hookup culture.

According to some articles I've come across recently Cuba is also quite the destination for meeting pretty girls. Though it is probably thinly veiled prostitution in most cases. Apparently accepting gifts in exchange for sex is, if not necessarily approved of, not particularly looked down on either. It just is what it is.

But Peru is very conservative in this regard, so odds are that any woman who wants a no strings relationship is either a low life or brichera. There are always exceptions of course, but if you're looking for a short term no strings attached relationship with a nice girl you can trust... Peru isn't the best place to be.

Colombia, Thailand (just make sure she isn't he), France, Finland... so many other countries where the prospects for short relationships with nice girls... the list goes on and on.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby sbaustin » Tue Feb 02, 2016 11:50 am

Englishsettler wrote:In fairness, she has cooked for me twice. I think shes genuine but taking up the tab all the time going ahead is a little intimidating for me. So, if im not doing so, then what happens?


Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable sharing her financial situation with you? Not sure. When I was dating my wife, she was a student, and I invited her to many nice restaurants because I was having fun trying new things. She told me that she would like to contribute but couldn't and would be just as happy at home with a home cooked meal. I told her I understood, I was dirt poor when I was a student, and didn't mind paying as well as thanks for letting me know. Fast forward a little bit, when she did have some money, she invited me out. Now as a married couple, we share bills, she pays for stuff, I pay for other stuff, and it was completely obvious what kind of person she was when we were dating. As for culture, I think the first few dates probably the man is expected to pay, but after a while I would think your girlfriend would make an effort to contribute or talk to you about the financial aspects of going out.

On a side note, for many Peruvians, eating out a lot at medium range places is very expensive. If she doesn't have the money I could see why she may not offer to pay as she'd normally not be eating there. The other thing that is cultural, if you invite someone officially to dinner, you are expected to pay. "Te invito", means, "I invite you and I'm paying." Good luck.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Tue Feb 02, 2016 2:56 pm

Interesting feedback and comments. Ultimately, i will tell her why I feel its not working but i admit im stuttering to tell her...im embarassed to broach the subject. The fact is that she does work and has a job she is good at....which i believe she earns good commissions from ( she indicated to me). She still lives with her father and shes well into her thirties...i dont think she has asny sdubstasntyial financviasl commitments ( but masybr she has, i cant be sure as i dfont see her bank account :-)) I thnk to pay for absolkutely everything for 2 weeks is a good indication I'm a gentleman but i can't substain it. I will tell her. I like her. If it's anbissue for her then there wont be any way forward. If she understands to a degree it could be workable. Maybe.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby sbaustin » Tue Feb 02, 2016 3:19 pm

Englishsettler wrote:Interesting feedback and comments. Ultimately, i will tell her why I feel its not working but i admit im stuttering to tell her...im embarassed to broach the subject. The fact is that she does work and has a job she is good at....which i believe she earns good commissions from ( she indicated to me). She still lives with her father and shes well into her thirties...i dont think she has asny sdubstasntyial financviasl commitments ( but masybr she has, i cant be sure as i dfont see her bank account :-)) I thnk to pay for absolkutely everything for 2 weeks is a good indication I'm a gentleman but i can't substain it. I will tell her. I like her. If it's anbissue for her then there wont be any way forward. If she understands to a degree it could be workable. Maybe.


I think having the discussion is a good idea. If you ask her if she normally eats out and she says no, then you know it is something she may not have money for. Also, Peruvian salaries are low, don't be surprised if she makes something like s/1500 a month which if you are helping to pay bills at home, doesn't go a long way.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby asgp » Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:34 am

Englishsettler wrote:Interesting feedback and comments. Ultimately, i will tell her why I feel its not working but i admit im stuttering to tell her...im embarassed to broach the subject. The fact is that she does work and has a job she is good at....which i believe she earns good commissions from ( she indicated to me). She still lives with her father and shes well into her thirties...i dont think she has asny sdubstasntyial financviasl commitments ( but masybr she has, i cant be sure as i dfont see her bank account :-)) I thnk to pay for absolkutely everything for 2 weeks is a good indication I'm a gentleman but i can't substain it. I will tell her. I like her. If it's anbissue for her then there wont be any way forward. If she understands to a degree it could be workable. Maybe.



IMHO..................................


Well, good luck with that, but honestly I do not see a good chance for you to get your way. As many others here had stated, this is a different culture, it is not 'right' or 'fair' for us as men to split the bill, period.

If you are looking forward to that I would suggest you to date a girl from the UK, latinas will see you as a 'redneck' or a 'cheap' if you talk about that.

Así es la vida. C'est la vie.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby symby a wonk » Fri Feb 05, 2016 7:50 am

Most women in Peru make little money and they often have to help out relatives who are retired, sick or unemployed.

When I met my gf, she was working 6 days a week, her place of work was a 2 hour bus ride from home and she had to support her mother who couldn't work due to illness. She was making 550 soles a month.
I met her on a vacation in Lima. I took her out to 5 soles menu restaurants, Chifas and refrigerios and I stayed at a cheap hotel. As I was making a decent wage in Europe back then and I knew her financial situation, it wouldn't have come to my mind to ask her to share the bill.
After a date, I offered to pay a taxi to bring her back home but she refused. She even refused me to pay for her busfare.

It's a bad idea to flash money if you are dating. Not only in Peru but anywhere. If you show that you have a lot of money then a girl might hang out with you just for your money but she won't take you serious. Because she knows that men with money can get any girl and will drop her at a wink or might have several girlfriends.

Englishsettler wrote:Interesting feedback and comments. Ultimately, i will tell her why I feel its not working but i admit im stuttering to tell her...im embarassed to broach the subject. The fact is that she does work and has a job she is good at....which i believe she earns good commissions from ( she indicated to me). She still lives with her father and shes well into her thirties...i dont think she has asny sdubstasntyial financviasl commitments ( but masybr she has, i cant be sure as i dfont see her bank account :-)) I thnk to pay for absolkutely everything for 2 weeks is a good indication I'm a gentleman but i can't substain it. I will tell her. I like her. If it's anbissue for her then there wont be any way forward. If she understands to a degree it could be workable. Maybe.


Maybe she's not the right girl for you. If she has a job that pays good money then her standard of living is probably higher than yours and you can't afford that.

Are you dating the girl with the intention of having a long term relationship or are you just after a holiday romance?
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Thu Feb 11, 2016 5:58 pm

I can only surmise as to what her true income is. I suspect she is not lavishly paid but she does not receive a terrible income either. The point is that she never offered but actually most signifigantly she did not ever thank me on any occasion I took her out for a meal over 3 weeks.
So, yes, she isn't the girl me. I guess it was best to find that out early on .

I can also say from experience that I have gone out with one or two other latin girls and they offered to share the bill or at least CONTRIBUTE and they were far from on good incomes.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby gringolandia » Mon Feb 15, 2016 5:49 pm

So... new information has come up that causes me to revise what I wrote earlier.

I recently spoke with some younger Peruvian men, and from what I have heard it sounds like the latest generation of Peruvian women (like 21-25 years old) are just about as likely to engage in commitment-free sex as their US counterparts. One guy said that they now treat sex "like going out for bread."

This came as quite a shock to some of the older Peruvian women that were also in on the conversation.

Oddly enough this topic came up due to a visiting American friend's story of his Tinder match with a Peruvian girl who put out after the second (and last) date. She was actually older, but also a world traveler who lived outside of Peru for many years... so not really indicative of Peruvian culture per se.

But as the conversation went on from there the information about the Peruvian youth came out.

Maybe they watch too much American TV or something? Or it could be all those steamy Mexican soap operas, eh?

Anyway, I stand corrected on the conservatism here, at least as far as the youth go. Times be a changin'.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby asgp » Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:45 pm

gringolandia wrote:So... new information has come up that causes me to revise what I wrote earlier.

I recently spoke with some younger Peruvian men, and from what I have heard it sounds like the latest generation of Peruvian women (like 21-25 years old) are just about as likely to engage in commitment-free sex as their US counterparts. One guy said that they now treat sex "like going out for bread."

This came as quite a shock to some of the older Peruvian women that were also in on the conversation.

Oddly enough this topic came up due to a visiting American friend's story of his Tinder match with a Peruvian girl who put out after the second (and last) date. She was actually older, but also a world traveler who lived outside of Peru for many years... so not really indicative of Peruvian culture per se.

But as the conversation went on from there the information about the Peruvian youth came out.

Maybe they watch too much American TV or something? Or it could be all those steamy Mexican soap operas, eh?

Anyway, I stand corrected on the conservatism here, at least as far as the youth go. Times be a changin'.


Interesting... Im in my late 20's too and I can tell you some things too... There are that kind of girls... no doubts about it, a lot of them... That is the starting point of the so called 'bricheras' and other kind of women...

Any women who agree on that kind of 'free sex' doesn't worth the long shot... At least that happen in our hispanic/latino culture.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby asgp » Mon Apr 04, 2016 9:46 pm

Englishsettler wrote:I can also say from experience that I have gone out with one or two other latin girls and they offered to share the bill or at least CONTRIBUTE and they were far from on good incomes.


They will insist... You have to stand on your position and pay the bill alone. That is how works in our latino culture.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby MattPapworth » Tue Apr 05, 2016 10:40 am

Break off the relationship, it will only get worse from here. Trust me, I know.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby curveball » Tue Apr 05, 2016 11:02 am

MattPapworth wrote:Break off the relationship, it will only get worse from here. Trust me, I know.


Worse as in turning into a "walking ATM" and not getting what you're paying for?
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby hatchepsut » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:33 am

When I met my gf, I only took her out to menu restaurants. Good food at an honest price.

7 years later, we are still together.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Digga » Wed May 04, 2016 8:15 pm

I struggled at first with the Peruvian culture and my now wifes ideology. When i bought her engagement ring I purposly was rather frugal( around $1000 usd) thinking that she would see it as waistage to spend a large amount. When I saw her mother feel it for wieght I instantly knew my line of thinking was waay wrong. As others have pointed out your commitment and level of ability to support your girl will be scrutinized by family. Now that i understand thier cultural way of thinking I see it in a whole new light. Even my father in law who is a modest farmer saved 3 months wages for my mother in laws engagement ring. Its not all about the amount of money you will spend but more about how commited you are. Ever noticed how Peruvian girls/woman will walk arm in arm with thier mother. Us gringos can learn a lot about what " family" and "commitment" should stand for. Our western ideologies are very shallow and selfish. Modesty is another word that comes to mind that us gringos could do with contemplating. I have learnt so much about what happiness really is now that i have embraced my Peruvian family. ( And yes i did buy her another ring that did cost me three months wages. ) :-)
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Thu Jul 07, 2016 6:35 pm

This is interesting. I Have continued to see her. I was away for 4 months and came back to Lima. I guess i couldnt resist. I was honest with her befoee i came and said i wasnt willing to continously foot the bill and asked how she felt about that. She didnt seem to object. However, we made some plans to holiday in another country and i booked and paid for it all. I had asked her prior to that what her budget was and she didnt seem to object. Disappointingly, she didnt offer anytthing towards the cost and she didnt say thanks...which confused me some what. I didnt pursue it and didnt mention it. Im now back from being with her and really evaulating whether i will continue with her. I do understand the culture and she expressed that she had never ahd any conversations about money before and the man paying for her but i guess i just cant sit comfortably with it. The deicison and responsibility lies with me. I do feel, quoting a previous message on here that " it will only get worse". Shame, because we get on really well. I will tell her why i cant continue and im pretty sure what her response will be. So be it.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby windsportinperu » Thu Jul 07, 2016 10:36 pm

Why don’t you tell this to her ?

““”We get on well.. I love you, that is why I came back from Europe, just to see you again. There is a little, tiny problem, and I am sure that will be solved soon. I need you to know that I am a “tacaño”, a man who don’t like to spend all of my money on our love. We need to arrive at an agreement. From now on, whenever we go out, you pay 50% of the expenses, and the other 50% will be paid by me. You need to understand that, it is the way it is done in England, so why not doing that way here in Peru ? “””

“””Next time we go to see a movie, you pay for the ticket and I pay for the popcorn and soft drink. If we take a taxi, one day I pay and next day you pay something similar"""

"""There is something that really bothers me. It is the cost of the taxi. Maybe, just maybe it would be better we should think not using taxis, anymore. Indeed, I am seriously thinking about saving some soles so it would be better from now on, we only travel by bus”””
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby adrian Thorne » Fri Jul 08, 2016 9:39 am

windsportinperu wrote:Why don’t you tell this to her ?

““”We get on well.. I love you, that is why I came back from Europe, just to see you again. There is a little, tiny problem, and I am sure that will be solved soon. I need you to know that I am a “tacaño”, a man who don’t like to spend all of my money on our love. We need to arrive at an agreement. From now on, whenever we go out, you pay 50% of the expenses, and the other 50% will be paid by me. You need to understand that, it is the way it is done in England, so why not doing that way here in Peru ? “””

“””Next time we go to see a movie, you pay for the ticket and I pay for the popcorn and soft drink. If we take a taxi, one day I pay and next day you pay something similar"""

"""There is something that really bothers me. It is the cost of the taxi. Maybe, just maybe it would be better we should think not using taxis, anymore. Indeed, I am seriously thinking about saving some soles so it would be better from now on, we only travel by bus”””


I have a feeling this is a wind up. I can say without reservation an "English Gentleman" would never expect a lady to pay. If there are side issues, such as lack of funds, you are quite right to discuss these issues, which I do not think applies here. Especially as the OP can afford the very expensive cost of flights to make the journey. I repeat, never in a month of Sundays would an Englishman ever expect his female partner to make a contribution.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Fri Jul 08, 2016 4:50 pm

its not a wind up. I couldnt continuously visit, pay for accomodation, flights and pay out for all meals out etc. Just dont have the monies to finance that regularly. Guess you must earn alot more than me !
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sun Jul 10, 2016 12:53 pm

I broke the relationship off. Having paid for everything and a holiday....she promply found funds to take an expensive flight somewhere as part of her vacation time. None of my business for sure but a little suspect given that the flight price would have been at least a $1000 and there was never any contribution forthcoming in anyway and she had said before that she could never afford a flight price like that ;-) Thankfully, ive got out early and im only mildly disappointed i wont see her again. Still, we had some fun and besides that got along well :) Good luck all you rich fellas on here !
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby susita83 » Sat Jul 16, 2016 11:48 am

If it's anything, my husband is Peruvian and I'm the gringa. When we were first together and I traveled to Peru, he would insist on paying for almost EVERYTHING and when I'd offer, it would be a discussion and he'd rarely give in, although I knew he couldn't really afford it either. It's cultural.

There was one exception...
Over a decade ago, when I went to Peru for the first time, I went to the Starbucks in Parque Kennedy. I ordered a frappuccino. He almost fainted when he saw I was paying almost s./20 for a coffee. He didn't intervene on that one! hahaha

Now that we're in NY, he pays for (and drinks) frappuccinos without fainting. :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby Englishsettler » Sat Jul 16, 2016 4:44 pm

i appreciiate the cultural differences. I just wanted to get a steer on how it ran in peru. I just couldnt keep paying out. If i was rich it wouldnt bothered me but i im not so i would need some kind of contribution for expeditions out. Just dont have those kinds of funds. Hopefully she will find someone who can if thats what makes her happy.
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Re: Honest opinions sought on dating/,relationships

Postby windsportinperu » Sat Jul 30, 2016 12:46 am

Ok 2 options:

1º It is a wind-up .... so I wish to the OP "peace of mind" to help himself of not making this kind of unuseful comments..

2º it is not a wind-up... so there are many ways to go out with a girlfriend without expending a lot of money .. as visiting a park, seeing the sunset , going to see a movie, etc. Everyone can date a girl here, it is just needed to adjust our budget ..

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