intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:16 pm

lizzym wrote:It took him a little while to realize that I'm not secretly a latina in gringa clothing, just like it took me a little while to realize that he really is a latino, though I got there quite a bit faster.


That's great, I hope things continue to go well for you.

The thing I've seen in intercultural relationships, and I'm not just talking about those between latinos and gringos, is that the big issues tend to arise after having children. That's when people revert to type, and expect things to be done in the way they are in their own culture. In previous threads there have been gringas complaining about the fact that their latino partners were very uninvolved in childcare, and by the same token gringo new fathers talking about how they have to make a conscious effort to pull their own weight and not take advantage of their latina partners willingness to carry the full load.

I'm not making a value judgment about what form of sharing of household duties and childcare is the correct one. But I do know that very different expectations around these issues lead to conflict, sometime large enough to lead to the breakup of the relationship. Personally if I were to have a child with a latino I'd make sure he had enough money to pay for a nanny and housekeeper, as it would be extremely unlikely that he'd personally pitch in to the same extent an English or North American guy would.


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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby pingouin59 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:26 pm

When i told people in the US that I had met a Peruvian lady on-line and that we had started a steady and daily virtual relationship ( one to three hours daily telephone calls and E-mails) they warned me that the girl was probably fishing for a visa. I didn´t care about what people could have said. i had fallen in love with the pretty lady and I had set up high expectations on what would have been my life with my future wife. This life would be made of trust, respect, physical, intelectual and spiritual intimacy. I had nothing to lose and if she had been a brichera, I would have lived a nice adventure. Better be heart broken and have experienced love than not having loved at all! So I decided to make my suitcase and moved to Peru on 13th of July of 2009. I had met Yuli beforehand in february and when first met at Chavez (unforgetable and so romantic memory), we knew how strong our mutual affection was and to the online dating detractors, I 'd like to tell them that it works and that it is a very efficient way to learn about the person you meet. As a matter of fact,when we first meet, we already knew a lot about eachother, the only things we didn´t know was how much we would be physically attracred to each other. But anyway , we have now been living together for more than two years. We have a baby and it is just because of bureaucracy that we are not yet married. It is so sweet to love and to be loved. As far as cultural differencies, I must say we agree on most everything. From what I have read we have allexperienced the same things. The sooo contradictory conception of how you catch a cold when you drink yoghourt from the fridge while the wide open window is OK to them is a classic. The orthodox culinary opposition between the Peruvian cuisine and anything I would like them to try is another one. that saying and many other petty things that I don´t remeber at the moment, the only thing a really miss from my past life is ...silence. I sherish the rare moments when Yuli the baby and I have the house for just ourselves because the numerois family is so loud ! Same thing for intimacy. How many times have we been interupted while someone stubbornly knok, sorry ,bang on the door. But all in all, I just enjoy being with her everyday and I don´t need to be alone. his is that simple and I am sorry for the many guys or girls who have been deceived and we all know some eb¿ven on our forum. I think the age difference is not too much of a problem as long as the younger one has reached a certain level of maturity but i can´t help being suspicious when I look at marriage picture displaying a old man with a beautiful Peruvian girl 30 years younger . If you see who I´m talking about...
Well. I gotta go. Take care and wish you the best in your love life because whether is for a month or your entire llife, it is always worth it

Gerad
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:34 pm

I guess I'm lucky then - my husband fought for (and won) custody of his 2 kids from his first marriage, and is incredibly involved with the boys. He goes to all the school meetings, we share discipline and make those choices together, and he spends evenings and weekends doing things with the boys - everything from soccer to kiteflying to playstation.

@pingouin - I was told the same thing about my husband. My stepdad's exact words were "He just looking for some sugar mama to take care of his kids!" Sadly, my dad never got to meet my husband, but he did live long enough to see that he was completely wrong. Most of my friends back home - who thought I was nuts and told me he'd cheat on me, beat me, steal all my money etc - are divorced now - we're still happy and going strong.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Wed Aug 31, 2011 7:39 pm

pingouin59 wrote:When i told people in the US that I had met a Peruvian lady on-line and that we had started a steady and daily virtual relationship ( one to three hours daily telephone calls and E-mails) they warned me that the girl was probably fishing for a visa. I didn´t care about what people could have said. i had fallen in love with the pretty lady and I had set up high expectations on what would have been my life with my future wife. This life would be made of trust, respect, physical, intelectual and spiritual intimacy. I had nothing to lose and if she had been a brichera, I would have lived a nice adventure. Better be heart broken and have experienced love than not having loved at all! So I decided to make my suitcase and moved to Peru on 13th of July of 2009. I had met Yuli beforehand in february and when first met at Chavez (unforgetable and so romantic memory), we knew how strong our mutual affection was and to the online dating detractors, I 'd like to tell them that it works and that it is a very efficient way to learn about the person you meet. As a matter of fact,when we first meet, we already knew a lot about eachother, the only things we didn´t know was how much we would be physically attracred to each other. But anyway , we have now been living together for more than two years. We have a baby and it is just because of bureaucracy that we are not yet married. It is so sweet to love and to be loved. As far as cultural differencies, I must say we agree on most everything. From what I have read we have allexperienced the same things. The sooo contradictory conception of how you catch a cold when you drink yoghourt from the fridge while the wide open window is OK to them is a classic. The orthodox culinary opposition between the Peruvian cuisine and anything I would like them to try is another one. that saying and many other petty things that I don´t remeber at the moment, the only thing a really miss from my past life is ...silence. I sherish the rare moments when Yuli the baby and I have the house for just ourselves because the numerois family is so loud ! Same thing for intimacy. How many times have we been interupted while someone stubbornly knok, sorry ,bang on the door. But all in all, I just enjoy being with her everyday and I don´t need to be alone. his is that simple and I am sorry for the many guys or girls who have been deceived and we all know some eb¿ven on our forum. I think the age difference is not too much of a problem as long as the younger one has reached a certain level of maturity but i can´t help being suspicious when I look at marriage picture displaying a old man with a beautiful Peruvian girl 30 years younger . If you see who I´m talking about...
Well. I gotta go. Take care and wish you the best in your love life because whether is for a month or your entire llife, it is always worth it

Gerad


Bravo, sir!

The internet is just like any other option to meet people. You get to learn a lot about a person through their writings and postings. You correspond with someone enough, it's as if they're there with you. Especially in this day and age with e-mail, instant messaging, and video chats. The internet is a wonderful thing, don't underestimate it.

BTW, a heads up for anyone who gets involved with a "brichera" (for lack of a better term). These chicas tend to play their hand early. A girl who is into you will move heaven and earth for you. Someone who's trying to play an angle, not so much.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:07 pm

i "met" a peruvian girl online before i moved here. i broke it off for various reasons after dating for a few months, but she was a professional (pharmacist) whose dad was a lawyer and mom ran 2 businesses. still keep in touch and she's a great girl. no doubt a lot of the women online are looking for a ticket out but of course, not always the case.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Wed Aug 31, 2011 8:27 pm

My friends,

And what about that love relationship that didn't work ... Does anyone want to share her/his experience ?

I mean peruano(a) and gringo(a)..
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Drake » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:40 am

Im sorry if I stepped on someones toes here but I just don´t get it. I would not be intrested of some 50 years- old granny who would like to bite me with her fake teeth, no offence but I find it a lil bit perv ;)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:46 am

Drake wrote:Im sorry if I stepped on someones toes here but I just don´t get it. I would not be intrested of some 50 years- old granny who would like to bite me with her fake teeth, no offence but I find it a lil bit perv ;)


i actually misread you. i didn't notice the "under" part before the 20's. granted 20's-50's is still a giant gap, but late teens to 50's, yeah, more than a bit odd.

no toes stepped on, all good. most women i've dated here have been at lest 10 years younger than me but 20-30 years is a whole other animal. won't say it's universally pervy, but it's suspect that's for sure.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Peace2009 » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:53 am

If you have to ask this question, then I think it won't work for you. Let's put it this way: the goal of a relationship is to have fun (after all, a relationship really is just friendship + sex), not the discovery of if it "works" or not. When you worry yourself too much of the end result, then you will likely miss the fun part, and you will likely to feel miserable being in one.

I suggest you either drop the worries or go for the kind of relationship that does not worry you, be it intercultural, interracial, inter-species, or inter whatever.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Thu Sep 01, 2011 7:55 am

The age gap doesn't necessary imply perversion. If I see a couple where the woman has 29 and the man has 60 years old, and they are happy, have a house, have a work, have common purpose in mind, a healthy family, their children goes to school and are happy, etc. It would be absurb (and inmaturity) from my side saying or even thinking that the man is a pervert just because fell in love and actually love a woman 30 years old less.

Perversion is when a guy who has 25 , 28, 30, 40, 50, 60 & 70 years old, is looking for women who are teenagers just for having fun, in simple words for letting free all kind of perversion accumulated through the years

In simple words age gap isn't just perversion by itself.

If I look at a happy family with a visible age gap, and I assume that the relation is based on pervertion, so the problem isn't in the family, it is just my mind what is imagining what shouldn't imagine, and the bad thoughts are inside me
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby pingouin59 » Thu Sep 01, 2011 10:06 am

Whatever the age difference, it doesn´t matter as long as the partners are compatible. if you´re too old and sex doesn´t interest you that much and your younger woman has a temperament and wants to live her womanhood to the fullest. Could only work some time but with a lot of frustartion or compensation. Thankfully, we, men live longer and healthier and we can always use ***** if necessary!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby lizzym » Thu Sep 01, 2011 12:57 pm

"The thing I've seen in intercultural relationships, and I'm not just talking about those between latinos and gringos, is that the big issues tend to arise after having children. That's when people revert to type, and expect things to be done in the way they are in their own culture. In previous threads there have been gringas complaining about the fact that their latino partners were very uninvolved in childcare, and by the same token gringo new fathers talking about how they have to make a conscious effort to pull their own weight and not take advantage of their latina partners willingness to carry the full load."

I completely see where you're coming from about cultural expectations; heck, I see it all over the place here. I did make sure, though, that I knew what I was getting into before we chose to get pregnant. This is literally the goal of his life, and he's already planning his work schedule around watching our daughter while I work part-time the few months after she's born. He was actually worried that I might get all the time with her, breast feeding and such! Also, he's always loved cooking for me while I keep him company, but he adores cooking for two already. And my lack of cooking skills say "woo-hoo!" :lol:
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:10 pm

windsportinperu wrote:The age gap doesn't necessary imply perversion. If I see a couple where the woman has 29 and the man has 60 years old, and they are happy, have a house, have a work, have common purpose in mind, a healthy family, their children goes to school and are happy, etc. It would be absurb (and inmaturity) from my side saying or even thinking that the man is a pervert just because fell in love and actually love a woman 30 years old less.


Yes, that's nice now, but what about in 10 years when the guy is old and feeble, or even dead? Not such a healthy family then is it?

There are sound biological and social reasons to have children before reaching middle age. Just as there are issues with fertility and birth defects for older mothers the same is true for older fathers. After the age of 40 the DNA contribution from the father is highly degraded compared to that of men under 30. The children of older fathers are far more likely to have congenital defects, autism, schizophrenia, the list goes on. Here's a link to one story showing the issues and google shows many more: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2059130/Scientists-reveal-dangers-of-older-fathers.html

Assuming you can avoid all that (or perhaps your wife manages to obtain some younger healthier DNA on the sly, always a risk with huge age gaps), there's the very real possibility that an older father is not going around until the children reach the age of majority, and certainly not much beyond that. Delayed parenthood means that the child will most likely miss out on having an adult relationship with his father.

From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:22 pm

lizzym wrote:I completely see where you're coming from about cultural expectations; heck, I see it all over the place here. I did make sure, though, that I knew what I was getting into before we chose to get pregnant. This is literally the goal of his life, and he's already planning his work schedule around watching our daughter while I work part-time the few months after she's born. He was actually worried that I might get all the time with her, breast feeding and such! Also, he's always loved cooking for me while I keep him company, but he adores cooking for two already. And my lack of cooking skills say "woo-hoo!" :lol:


Oh yeah, much of the discussion has been in broad strokes. When it comes down to it our individual relationships, and how they work, is what is really important. Along with a few horror stories I certainly know Peruvian guys who aren't macho idiots and are very involved fathers. Sounds like your guy more that fits into that category.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:48 pm

jude wrote: From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


Jude, I agree in most of your statements about age, but the answer was focus on the topic "pervertion vs old man"....... and not ""age vs fertility"" ..

The example above doesn't mean a 60 years old man who has just begIn a family. They already have a family, a house, children at school, etc.. so they started about 5 to 10 years ago..

Could you bring more scientific data about infertility vs age in the case of the male ? There is a lot about women on internet. It would be interesting to read about it, spanish or english.. both languages are welcome..
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:01 pm

A friend of mine got married at the age of 40 to an 19 year old Peruvian girl. I agree it's a very big age gap and too young to get married. Especially at someone twice your age.
But they have been married now for 9 years, live in Europe and they have 2 children. And all goes well.
And the girl isn't a desperate girl from a poor family. Her parents own a nice flat in Surco and have a big furniture shop in Villa El Salvador.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Thu Sep 01, 2011 5:46 pm

windsportinperu wrote:
jude wrote: From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


Jude, I agree in most of your statements about age, but the answer was focus on the topic "pervertion vs old man"....... and not ""age vs fertility"" ..

Could you bring more scientific data about infertility vs age in the case of the male ? There is a lot about women on internet. It would be interesting to read about it, spanish or english.. both languages are welcome..


It's not a subject I've read about in great depth, I've just seen a few news articles about the issue. These two are interesting and could be good jumping off points:
http://www.bionews.org.uk/page_12440.asp

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/health/healthguide/esn-maleinfertility-expert.html

I think the social aspect is really important. As a child I got a lot of enjoyment from spending time with my grandparents, something a child with older parents is likely to miss out on. Also as an adult I've learned to appreciate my parents in a whole new way, I enjoy having an adult relationship with them and continue to learn from their experience and wisdom. I'm grateful for that, especially as I have a couple of friends who lost their parents when they were in their late teens to early twenties and have seen how that loss has affected them. While it may be true that there are no certainties in life, the odds are better that you'll see your children grow up if you reproduce before middle age.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Polaron » Thu Sep 01, 2011 9:40 pm

A good friend of mine is 66 years old, and his boyfriend is 28. They have been together for 3 or 4 years now and get along famously. The 28-year-old Peruvian works at the professional level, and the gringo is retired. They are very much in love, and I think anyone would be fortunate to have as healthy a relationship as they do.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Soltero de Repente » Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:14 pm

Hello. My name is Soltero de Repente. I am a recovering interculturalloveaholic. I've been three months free of intercultural love. Every day is a challenge. Monocultural love cannot compare to intercultural love, though autocultural love isn't too bad once you get used to it. One step at a time. I'm on step 2. There's only 10 more steps to go (11 total because I'm skipping that damn "higher power" stage). Here's the wisdom I've garnered from my rock bottom experience:

1) Personality dominates everything, including culture and age and class and gender. While the variation across cultures can be significant (Americans *are* different from Peruvians on average), the personality variation within cultures is much, much greater. In other words, the disparity among the assorted kinds of Americans or Peruvians is much greater than that between the average American and the average Peruvian. I had way more in common with my Peruvian girlfriend than I do with the typical dipstick bimbo Paris Hilton wannabe that currently defines what it means to be an American woman. Same applies to friendship. And this doesn't even take into consideration sub-cultural differences.

2) After personality, age was a bigger factor for us than culture. She was seventeen years my junior. Yes, I am a living, breathing cliche - but I swear our relationship was different. We really understood each other. It was like we were soul mates who shared the same brain among other organs in a former life. While in our case age didn't make a difference day-to-day, it definitely caused tectonic problems that probably led to the break-up in the end. That and the fact that I'm kind of a dick sometimes. The funny thing is that old dogs/new tricks thing is exactly the opposite of what the proverb would have you believe. As an old dog, I am totally open to new tricks. Partly because I am easily bored, but also because at this point in life I am very aware of just how deeply wrong I can be. I actually appreciate when people take the time to tell me how I can improve. I find young people much more headstrong. You need to suffer a lot of failure before you can ever truly see success when it's staring you in the face. Young people make more mistakes than old people. In love, in life, in everything.

3) Many personality and gender differences are often mistakenly interpreted as cultural difference. It's a lot easier to say, "Oh, you silly imperialistic gringo" or "You are from Mars whereas I am from Venus" rather than the more accurate "Dude, you're a total dick sometimes and if you loved me you would stop doing that." Modern cultures, including Peruvian culture, are diverse, with many practices and rituals to choose from. Which means individuals adopt the practices and rituals they want based on their own personality preferences. For example, I like reading philosophy and critiquing oligarchic capitalism, but I also like the NFL and Bud Light, especially at the same time. Which kind of American am I? The practices belong to my culture. The ones I have chosen to appropriate belong to me. If you think I am a dick, blame me, not my culture.

4) My girlfriend and I had a significant height difference that I think had a greater impact on our failure than culture difference. I'm 6'2". She's let me just say tall for a Peruvian. Which means short for a human being. It was fine so long as we were lying down. But I got tired of looking at the top of her head, and she got tired of pulling lint out of my belly button when we hugged.

5) Forget about culture and just enjoy the fact that someone has elected to spend their precious time and energy making you feel good about yourself. A relationship is an incredible gift. Don't blow it or you'll end up like me.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Thu Sep 01, 2011 11:47 pm

mammalu wrote:I can only speak for my demographic segment and it works very well when the wife is Peruvian and the husband is non-Peruvian (gosh, too much PC? lol). Many, way too many of my Peruvian female friends stayed in long marriages for the children (at least they thought they were helping the kids). With time, as divorce became less 'embarrassing' and accepted by their families, 50% of them are divorced, some are still are married but lead separate lives within the same household.

If I tell you stories, you probably wouldn't believe me. "Falconagain" I am sorry for your Mom, but I have seen many similar cases in Peru.

Tupac! Congratulations. You must be so excited. Your deserve it, I know you wanted more kids and you love so much your stepson already; that baby is very lucky.


Thanks Mammalu, Tomas was born Aug 30 2011 at 4:15am.
He is healthy baby boy. My wife is excited about the new baby.

We are headed to Peru in 6 months to show him off to family.
We are also home sick for Peru. :)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Drake » Fri Sep 02, 2011 3:21 am

From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


Thank you mate that is exactly how it is!
If you´re around Lima let me know and I will buy you a beer mate :)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Fri Sep 02, 2011 7:00 am

tupacperu wrote:
Thanks Mammalu, Tomas was born Aug 30 2011 at 4:15am.
He is healthy baby boy. My wife is excited about the new baby.

We are headed to Peru in 6 months to show him off to family.
We are also home sick for Peru. :)


Congratulations! Mazel Tov! Felicitaciones! :D
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jimuazu » Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:51 am

jude wrote:Yes, that's nice now, but what about in 10 years when the guy is old and feeble, or even dead? Not such a healthy family then is it?


All I can say is "Live and let live"! I think and old feeble and loving father who dies when the child reaches 20, is better than a young virile father who beats the child daily and makes the child's life hell. Which is going to be the healthier and better adjusted child? You can't generalise like this. It could go either way.

jude wrote:There are sound biological and social reasons to have children before reaching middle age. Just as there are issues with fertility and birth defects for older mothers the same is true for older fathers. After the age of 40 the DNA contribution from the father is highly degraded compared to that of men under 30. The children of older fathers are far more likely to have congenital defects, autism, schizophrenia, the list goes on.


So, according to your logic, for the well-being of humanity, we should sterilise all women at 30 and men at 40? I'm sure the statistics would look great -- but I wouldn't have a son.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby windsportinperu » Fri Sep 02, 2011 11:51 am

The conversation about love relationship has arrived to a point where is important to make some interesting differences

Women vs Men. Who arrive first to a maturity level for having children and a family ?

From my experience, I frequently have seen that women are more prepared than men to achieve the goal of having a family. By nature, women are more prepared to be a mother than a man to be a father of the same age.

What this means ? For starting a family, a woman of 27 is more responsible in general, than a man of the same age (27). Don’t blame me for this, if you want to blame someone, it is mother nature. :)

On the contrary, men have a slower pace and takes more time to assume responsibilities and to have the deep desire for setting up a family. Men need from 5 to 15 years more to achieve that grade of maturity. It happens more than frequently in the Peruvian society.. At an age of 27 a man is partly a man and partly a child.

The time when maturity is arrived in both sex (female and male), make more viable the possibility of an age gap of 10 years, or even 20 between male-female couples.

Of course that exist other kind of factors as education, economical resources, government incentives to help to stablish a family, etc. that play a roll in this, but if we just choose ages, women win
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby viernes » Sat Sep 03, 2011 9:23 pm

thus the question is not whether intercultural relationships work.....the question is whether relationships work...... And even that question has its problems.... but i believe the rest of forum has answered those questions.....
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby hoyce » Sun Sep 04, 2011 1:20 am

back to the "old" thing . . . umm how old do you have to be to be old, or how many years difference to you have to have between you and your partner? :roll:
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Buckey » Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:10 pm

Kelly wrote:I guess I'm lucky then - my husband fought for (and won) custody of his 2 kids from his first marriage, and is incredibly involved with the boys. He goes to all the school meetings, we share discipline and make those choices together, and he spends evenings and weekends doing things with the boys - everything from soccer to kiteflying to playstation.

@pingouin - I was told the same thing about my husband. My stepdad's exact words were "He just looking for some sugar mama to take care of his kids!" Sadly, my dad never got to meet my husband, but he did live long enough to see that he was completely wrong. Most of my friends back home - who thought I was nuts and told me he'd cheat on me, beat me, steal all my money etc - are divorced now - we're still happy and going strong.


I watched most of my family over a 10 year stretch get divorced, including my parents. Including my parents that's 13 aunts, uncles, and parents plus their spouses. Greatly affected my own relationships. After breaking up with my fiancée in my late 20's I dated a little but only seemed to meet women like my ex, who wanted everything their way and were very materialistic. By 37 I gave up. By my mid-40's figured my only real options were to marry a divorcee with two or three kids. Not appealing to me and I still want my own kids. Had heard of and have greatly investigated the option of marrying a Filipina. Due to their speaking English and willingness to marry older men I've settled on that. I'm 49, plan to move overseas at 53, won't have the pension my company promised, but still $13k annually at 55. I had figured to find a wife in the Phils and bring her to Oaxaca, Mexico where I planned to retire. Now, reading this thread, wonder if I should get fluent in Spanish and move to Peru and see how that works out. It's interesting to see how some bring their cultural views to Peru, saying an older guy who wants to be with a younger woman is a pervert. I know for a fact that the American idea of the young marrying the young, pairing up the most beautiful with the nicest physiques too often results in divorce. If a young woman sees me as a good catch and will treat me great who are they to say that's wrong. As long as I reciprocate with love, kindness, and faithfulness then good for me, good for her. I'll wake up every day looking at her and thanking God, and if she wants to sleep, good for her. I'll get up and go fix her some breakfast. Just saying many of us older guys are just glad we still have a chance for relationship, even if we have to travel many miles to find it. If that seems pathetic or perverted then if a person thinks that way maybe they should stay in the States.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Buckey » Mon Sep 05, 2011 3:35 pm

jude wrote:From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


A 60 year old marries a 24 yr old Peruana. Their first child arrives when he's 62, same year he starts Social Security. That means his child as an American citizen is entitled to a Social Security payment equal to half his full SS that he would have gotten at 67. Another child, more SS. Up to 180% of the father's full SS for the father and children combined. Heaven forbid father dies at 67, children's benefit goes to 75% of his full amount for each of them. So mother and children are taken care of for quite a few years. Their U.S. citizenship enables them to go to the U.S. to get better paying jobs, send money mom, maybe bring her there eventually. Meanwhile they had the benefit of growing up in a loving Peruvian family, knowing their Peruvian grandparents, being able to help them out too. There are plusses to marrying an old gringo. Hopefully he'll live long enough to see them grown, but in a 3rd world economy possibly the best thing he can do for them is give them a chance at a better future.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Mon Sep 05, 2011 4:11 pm

Buckey wrote:
jude wrote:From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


A 60 year old marries a 24 yr old Peruana. Their first child arrives when he's 62, same year he starts Social Security. That means his child as an American citizen is entitled to a Social Security payment equal to half his full SS that he would have gotten at 67. Another child, more SS. Up to 180% of the father's full SS for the father and children combined. Heaven forbid father dies at 67, children's benefit goes to 75% of his full amount for each of them. So mother and children are taken care of for quite a few years. Their U.S. citizenship enables them to go to the U.S. to get better paying jobs, send money mom, maybe bring her there eventually. Meanwhile they had the benefit of growing up in a loving Peruvian family, knowing their Peruvian grandparents, being able to help them out too. There are plusses to marrying an old gringo. Hopefully he'll live long enough to see them grown, but in a 3rd world economy possibly the best thing he can do for them is give them a chance at a better future.


I think that when a young Peruana gets into a relationship with a very old gringo then it mainly has to do with money and little with love. But both can be happy. The girl doesn't have to worry about making ends meet and the gringo is happy too because he has a young and beautiful partner and doesn't feel lonely.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Mon Oct 10, 2011 1:36 am

the others treat me like i'm a star just cause i look decent and can flow in spanish - i hate that.


you hate that?
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Mon Oct 10, 2011 5:46 am

windsportinperu wrote:"
The age gap doesn't necessary imply perversion. If I see a couple where the woman has 29 and the man has 60 years old, and they are happy, have a house, have a work, have common purpose in mind, a healthy family, their children goes to school and are happy, etc. It would be absurb (and inmaturity) from my side saying or even thinking that the man is a pervert just because fell in love and actually love a woman 30 years old less."

We are one of those couples , 57 and 28. The real issue is your health, there are diseases such as diabetes, high colesteral etc.. Which many young people are expiring early.
Age has nothing to do with it. It has more to do with the reasons you get married.
Now if your criteria borders on pedofilia ( young hot girl), then this may be short lived.
Anthropology state that women pick mates for security , financial or otherwise.
Men select on women who will bear healthy strong children.

As
SUch as there is a negative side to marrying an older guy, there are tons of financial benefits.
For instance , social security survivors benefits, if married more than 10 years. We had a son 8/30/11.
When he is 9 i will retire, this means $2800 per month for me and $1400 per kid ( up to 2 kids).
I have a pension, 401k and 3 properties ( 2 paid in full), one recently purchased (mortgage life insurance).
And of course life insurance policies. Should i pass befored i retire my wife recieves pension, 401k and full social security until my son is 18 , along with his payment. This means she will be left with 3 houses fully paid and money to support her life and the kids. She also will have money from her career as a dietician.

So in my book there is more to life than sex (though we have no issues in that arena).
To us it is more about family and financial planning. Taking advantage of the benefits of aging.
Besides age is a number, many in there 20-30s and even 40s have food born disease that put 20+ years onto there current age.

So i am one ofthose old geezers that married for love and companionship at an old age. For what she brings to the table with her youth, she will be well taken care of if i should leave life befor her.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Mon Oct 10, 2011 5:58 am

All who have kids are narcisist, the fact that you create a human bieng in your own image is narcicistic.
So any age having a kid is selfish. Especially if you do not weigh the financial implications.
Having kids without income to give them a good life is stupid no matter what the age.
I am 57, 4 out of 6 have college degrees, the other 2 are 9 years old and 1 month.
Having kids is more about having money to raise them. The other side of the coin is lifestyle and health, diet. Food born illineses can disable or kill at any age.
So, people with poor health habits and diets would also be selfish.
Age does not guaranty longevity, a young wife could die of cancer etc....
Que Sera.

Not to sounds sexist, but many women marry for money, not only in Peru.

As the song goes, "she ain't nothing but a golddigger, she' not going out with no broke ass @?,:%#(explictive)."

Many in my experience that marry for love, finds that love does not pay bills.
#1 cause of divorce = finances. What happen to marriage for love?
On the other hand what is marrying for love?
My criteria, companionship, family, freindship, love :)

el conquistador wrote:
Buckey wrote:
jude wrote:From my perspective sixty year old old goats with babies are incredibly selfish people.


A 60 year old marries a 24 yr old Peruana. Their first child arrives when he's 62, same year he starts Social Security. That means his child as an American citizen is entitled to a Social Security payment equal to half his full SS that he would have gotten at 67. Another child, more SS. Up to 180% of the father's full SS for the father and children combined. Heaven forbid father dies at 67, children's benefit goes to 75% of his full amount for each of them. So mother and children are taken care of for quite a few years. Their U.S. citizenship enables them to go to the U.S. to get better paying jobs, send money mom, maybe bring her there eventually. Meanwhile they had the benefit of growing up in a loving Peruvian family, knowing their Peruvian grandparents, being able to help them out too. There are plusses to marrying an old gringo. Hopefully he'll live long enough to see them grown, but in a 3rd world economy possibly the best thing he can do for them is give them a chance at a better future.


I think that when a young Peruana gets into a relationship with a very old gringo then it mainly has to do with money and little with love. But both can be happy. The girl doesn't have to worry about making ends meet and the gringo is happy too because he has a young and beautiful partner and doesn't feel lonely.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:56 am

renodante wrote:
Just for you information you old perverts that it´s absolutely true


an older dude who prefers younger women is automatically a perv?

it's a latina thing anyway. they often prefer older men, even ones from their own income bracket who are peruvian. they like the maturity, many latino younger guys are immature for their age. and what woman would rather date a dude who doesn't have his own place?


My wife's exact words. She have been decieved by yOung guys one to many times.
Left with a kid . She sought me out. She has a thing for helpless decrepid geezzers.
For health reasons they stay close to home lol!!!! Not out til 6am. They nod out early in the arm chair
And their wives know where they are at 3am.

It's 3:00am, do you know where your old man is?

The way the economy is going. Old geezers will be in style, many young guys cannot get a job or support a family. Us geezers if planned well have accumalated wealth (pension, 401k, social security).
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have? The ecomony will take years to recover, the housing nest egg is gone. Looks like a bleak future for young guys, while the geezers stock is going up. Lol!!!!
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby jude » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:58 pm

The way the economy is going. Old geezers will be in style, many young guys cannot get a job or support a family. Us geezers if planned well have accumalated wealth (pension, 401k, social security).
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have? The ecomony will take years to recover, the housing nest egg is gone. Looks like a bleak future for young guys, while the geezers stock is going up. Lol!!!!


Ahhh the whole "dads vs. cads" thing. In that scenario the optimum mating strategy for a young woman is to marry the geezer but to get knocked up by the young dude.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:10 pm

jude wrote:
The way the economy is going. Old geezers will be in style, many young guys cannot get a job or support a family. Us geezers if planned well have accumalated wealth (pension, 401k, social security).
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have? The ecomony will take years to recover, the housing nest egg is gone. Looks like a bleak future for young guys, while the geezers stock is going up. Lol!!!!


Ahhh the whole "dads vs. cads" thing. In that scenario the optimum mating strategy for a young woman is to marry the geezer but to get knocked up by the young dude.


Tupacperu there is very few people like you with sound financial investments and maturity at the same
time. Most people in the US were wiped out by the housing bubble, even the old geezers. Looking at it
seriously is almost a joke. Of the 300 million I am guessing that there is no more that 200,000 geezers
in the same situation like you. Of course is funny to imagine them as the new Justien Beavers because
the rest of the people will be too broke to even sustain a pet.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:42 pm

Having kids without income to give them a good life is stupid no matter what the age.


Here here. you should have to pass exams and give financial info in order to be allowed to have kids. You need a licence to drive, to go hunting or fishing, but any moron can have kids.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Sat Oct 15, 2011 8:43 pm

What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have?


stamina.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:23 pm

renodante wrote:
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have?


stamina.


LOL
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:54 pm

rama0929 wrote:
renodante wrote:
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have?


stamina.


LOL



I think that ***** and other medications have already solved that problem and
leveled the playing field.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:55 pm

since when v-i-a-g-r-a is a forbidden or impolite word???
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:05 pm

falconagain wrote:since when v-i-a-g-r-a is a forbidden or impolite word???


Probably more of a spam filter, I guess.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Kelly » Mon Oct 17, 2011 11:20 pm

It's not that it's offensive or impolite as much as it is a huge spam draw.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby el conquistador » Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:49 pm

tupacperu wrote:
renodante wrote:
Just for you information you old perverts that it´s absolutely true



it's a latina thing anyway. they often prefer older men, even ones from their own income bracket who are peruvian. they like the maturity, many latino younger guys are immature for their age. and what woman would rather date a dude who doesn't have his own place?


For health reasons they stay close to home lol!!!! Not out til 6am. They nod out early in the arm chair
And their wives know where they are at 3am.

The way the economy is going. Old geezers will be in style, many young guys cannot get a job or support a family. Us geezers if planned well have accumalated wealth (pension, 401k, social security).
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have? The ecomony will take years to recover, the housing nest egg is gone. Looks like a bleak future for young guys, while the geezers stock is going up. Lol!!!!


Most Peruvian girls are looking for someone in their own age range.
Beautifull Peruvian girls prefer a Peruvian men who's handsome and is poor rather than an old gringo with a lot of money. And if they go with an old gringo then it's to take his money and go back and enjoy life with their poor handsome boyfriend.

In places like Thailand and the Philippines, it's more normal for girls going with old gringos. But of course the main motive as well is money.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Michelle95 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:24 pm

I'm an American woman engaged to a Peruvian man who I met online in the US. It seemed that many of these posts were about Peruvian women and gringo men, so I wanted to offer a different perspective. I agree with those who have suggested that while there are aspects of these relationships that are cultural, ultimately it really is all personal. I have more in common with my fiance than with many men who grew up in seemingly similar cultures to me (same religion, same part of the US, similar colleges).

In our case, though his English is excellent (and I'm learning castelano), I find that the language barrier is in fact a benefit. We both have to make the extra effort to be sure we really understand what the other one is saying.

emh wrote:1) First off, I´d second what renodante said. MY girlfriend is amazing and I feel lucky to have found her but she´s definitely clingy. She told me the other day that she doesn´t like to be alone. I love spending time with her, but I also need some space..


Funny, my fiance made the same complaint about Peruvian women, but then complained when I wanted time on my own. He's also puzzled by the entire concept of depression, and keeps insisting that it doesn't exist here in Peru.

emh wrote:3) This one might be more unique to my girlfriend, not really sure, but boy does she like to sleep. She told me she prefers to sleep 10 hours a day and would sleep more if she had time for it. I´m the opposite, I sleep about 7 hours a day and get out of bed as soon as I´m awake so I can start doing things and living life.


OMG. YES!!! I'm often up an hour or two earlier than him on the weekends.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby renodante » Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:00 am

Most Peruvian girls are looking for someone in their own age range.


not my experience at all. but then again i'm not a geezer, i'm 38 and often am mistaken for up to 10 years younger. i usually end up dating girls in their mid to late 20's.

my experience is peruvian girls in that age range are generally sick of guys their own age because they still live with their parents and their options are very limited.

i'll let a latina drop the knowledge: http://latinamericanaffairs.blogspot.co ... r-men.html
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby tupacperu » Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:53 am

jude wrote:
The way the economy is going. Old geezers will be in style, many young guys cannot get a job or support a family. Us geezers if planned well have accumalated wealth (pension, 401k, social security).
What can a jobless young buck with very little saving have? The ecomony will take years to recover, the housing nest egg is gone. Looks like a bleak future for young guys, while the geezers stock is going up. Lol!!!!


Ahhh the whole "dads vs. cads" thing. In that scenario the optimum mating strategy for a young woman is to marry the geezer but to get knocked up by the young dude.



You know about being a young deadbeat?
Have 2 stepkids who their young father thought the same.

Really it is about half empty - half full.
Marry a young guy and worry if he can support a family or marry and older guy who can ;).
If it were for the sole purpose of getting knocked up, i would guess the latter would be a better proposition.
Lol
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby falconagain » Fri Oct 21, 2011 1:32 pm

TupacPeru is completely right, money is a requirement for any healthy relationship
in Peru. Because there is a lot of people unemployed within the country, many of
them have a lot of free time (both women and men), during this free time people
absorb like sponges the popular beliefs in their society; there is a series of skills
that are practiced in these time like cheating, gossip, backstabbing, and the most
interest one which is mimic. Because Peruvians are not rich they mimic other
nationalities online in order to be attractive to people in other countries, if they
are trying to talk to a brazilian, they say that they are argentinian, etc. Another
way in which they use the mimic ability is to convince their foreign or peruvian
couple that they think alike until they are married and back into their homeland.
Then the gloves come off and they start behaving in a different way. Because
they actually resent the ideas or culture of the person that they mimic. There
is exceptions but they are very few.

Obviously that after dealing with young guys applying these skills, an honest
girl will indeed think that an older man would be better and that the young
man is not worth the hassle (if they are smart).
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby rama0929 » Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:29 pm

renodante wrote:
Most Peruvian girls are looking for someone in their own age range.


not my experience at all. but then again i'm not a geezer, i'm 38 and often am mistaken for up to 10 years younger. i usually end up dating girls in their mid to late 20's.


Same here. I've gotten all kinds.
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby mateo » Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:05 am

news flash everyone.....relationships (and marriages) are WORK.

it would be naive and foolish to disregard any cultural differences....however it comes down to loving, listening, and being patient. i dont care where you are from.

everyone has a story? REALY???? no kidding.

ADVICE: if you need somebody else to explain your current or prospective relationship to you...then you already got problems.

wish y'all the best.

:-)
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Re: intercultural love relationship -- does it works ?..

Postby Omikron » Sun Oct 23, 2011 12:10 pm

I'm willing to try an intercultural relationship. Already dated local girls but they are too conservative and "machistas". My last GF, who was 27 back then, lived with her mom and I had to bring her back home before 1am, (almost like Cinderella) or she would get grounded for 1 week without seeing me. I couldn't take her to the beach or to a trip outside Lima unless I returned her home the same day. Regarding the "machismo" attitude, they expect guys to pick them up, pay for lunch, dinner, etc but I can see where all this comes from: In Peru, men are usually the ones that make more money than women so usually it is the guy who owns a car and "should" pay for the expenses. Does the gender wage gap happens anywhere or is it really obvious in Latin American countries?

I an definitively not accustomed to this way of life and the funny thing is I'm a Peruvian myself. Most comments here are from Peruvian Women who dated/married foreign men or Viceversa. Any experiences from Peruvian Men though? Mateo, are you Peruvian?

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