Feeling guilty about wanting to go to a stripclub...

[Ragnorak20]

Hello everyone,
I greatly appreciate the positive reception that my other thread got. I really hope you guys can help me with this dilemma as this is the most personal thread I've ever done on an internet forum.

Well I am an young adult now and I always wanted to go to a stripclub/night club. However, because of my mother I just can't bring myself to do it. Here are some reasons why

First of, I don't have many people to go with as my father passed away and I dont' have older brothers nor friends(most live in other countries , even then I can have one or two acquaintances which could take me. However, even then my mother would find out I went as one of them is a distant uncle that works for her.

The reason why I feel bad about her finding out is that my father used to cheat on my mother multiple times with different women.So I don't know how it will make her feel about me going with other women. Am I turning my back on her?

There are other reasons that make this situation worst

First of my mother is not a naive person. In fact she is very street smart. She always wants to know what I am doing and where I am going even if she says she is not. Therefore, she will find out. She is not a traditional feminine mother but an argumentative one.

Second, my mother has extremely different ideas from me. For instance, she said " I would not mind seeing my kids drunk as long as they are drunk in my house" This is completly the opposite of my mindset as if I would drink I would like to keep it a secret from her(although I don't drink alcohol). In addition, my sister has a boyfriend but she only allows them to see each other at my house which is exactly the opposite of how me and my school classmates view things as they say their parents would never allow them having a bf/gf coming over at home.

Third, I would have to USE HER MONEY in order to go for the high end stripclub/nightclub I am interested in, as she works in my father's bussiness. I could collect money by myself but I would not enough. I don't know how I should feel about this." Would an external observer look at me with disgust? Using my mother money to pay escorts? Is this messed up?

Fourth, this is more of a personal reason but will I lose my moral high ground and be expose as a lustful man no better than my father? Will my image of innocent kid be ruined?

Fifth, now I am not gay and I feel sexually attractive towards women. But will I enjoy my time with a girl if I ask for other “services” or will I feel resentment, anger and guilt because me and my mother are always arguing? Can I set aside these feelings? For instance, I used to argue heavily with her to be able to go to school trips(which had teachers) and each time I went she used to tell me “Well do whatever you want and I don’t want to hear from you again”

Thank you very much everyone, I’ll hope your thoughtful answers. Actually I know my mother would give me the money to go as she is very strange in wanting to be involved in this sort of thing for instance I had once a blind date and she wanted to introduce her formally to me. Which is completely the opposite of me as I would not want my mother involve in my personal life.

Finally, once she ask me as I was interested in calling a call girl, I FEEL THIS IS COMPLETELY MESSED UP AS I should be talking this topics over with my father not my mother.

[Retired in Lima]

Maybe invite her along and let her choose the girl for you?

[chi chi]

Why don't you get a gf??? It's very easy to find one.

Many girls that work in those clubs are exploited. Many of them are forced to work there. Would you really like to support that kind of vile industry?

[gringito]

@ Ragnorak20
It seems that you are quite (!) young and still have a lot of complexes.
The difference between boys and men is that latter take their own decisions and don´t worry (but definitely consider) what Mom or Dad may say. However, men also act responsible and assume responsibility for what they do.

The difference between younger men and happy old men is that latter tried things out, made their own experience, formed their own opinion and usually know what they talk about.

Chi chi´s proposal, i.e. how about a gf?, might be the more suitable, age-based approach for you.

Regarding your moral and psychological problems with Mom and Dad I recommend consulting a professional – though I cannot see something abnormal at all in your thoughts and desires.

Suerte!

[perico pin pin]

id say go, its normal in guys wanting to visit this places specially at a younger age..when i was younger i would go to places like this in the US and here in Peru, and had a girlfriend..shoot i still go sometimes,, and guess what those places werent empty alot of guys allways there....and your mom maybe not liking it, thats normal too...
ill show you some places myself
but like the saying goes, just "no dejes que interfiera con tus prioridades"

[tupacperu]

There are no strip-clubs in Peru. They are venues of prostitution. Even Tequila Rock, which is not officially a sex oriented club, has women (patrons) who proposition.

While walking through Kennedy Park, my wife and I decided to get a drink (she wanted a few Apple Martinis).
We stopped in Tequila Rock. She was ordering Martinis, and most of the women in there were checking her out. One leaned over an ask her, what do you do to get a man to spend that much money on you. My wife responded "Oh , you got this all wrong. This is my husband"

At that point we started to look around and many of the women look like they were playing musical chairs, conversing to a few minutes with a guy , then another. We asked out waitress, what the deal was. She mentioned that they are negotiating price for sex.

On our way out , we met 2 guys from Los Angeles, who ask us (with shock in the faces), ARE THERE ANY REAL DANCE CLUBS in Peru. We directed them to Barranco and Larco Mar. lol

[Seaimpin_Na_nDaoine]

There are no strip-clubs in Peru. They are venues of prostitution. Even Tequila Rock, which is not officially a sex oriented club, has women (patrons) who proposition.

this is so true and it is the most annoying thing about socialising in miraflores pretty much every bar is the same even the small little ones where you think you will be safe from the harassment of sex workers but sadly you are not, these ladies of the night are such a nuisance and they spoil the whole atmosphere when you just want to relax and hang out with friends and maybe chat to some other interesting people not prostitutes, and they literally will not take no for an answer sitting at your table or hovering around you at the bar it makes me sick, seriously these establishments should do something to discourage this sot of thing but sadly they dont and i suspect they even encourage it.

[caliguy]

you need to get out from under your mothers wing!

[chi chi]

this is so true and it is the most annoying thing about socialising in miraflores pretty much every bar is the same even the small little ones where you think you will be safe from the harassment of sex workers but sadly you are not, these ladies of the night are such a nuisance and they spoil the whole atmosphere when you just want to relax and hang out with friends and maybe chat to some other interesting people not prostitutes, and they literally will not take no for an answer sitting at your table or hovering around you at the bar it makes me sick, seriously these establishments should do something to discourage this sot of thing but sadly they dont and i suspect they even encourage it.

Miraflores is a tourist area and if a gringo walks around in Miraflores then he is always a tourist. So, he has money to spend. Many gringos come to Peru to use drugs and easy woman. Miraflores is the place to be for that.
Miraflores is also full of thieves that take advantage of the relaxed attitude of the gringos. They spike their drinks, rob them when they are drunk and scam them.

[gringito]

this is so true and it is the most annoying thing about socialising in miraflores pretty much every bar is the same even the small little ones where you think you will be safe from the harassment of sex workers but sadly you are not, these ladies of the night are such a nuisance and they spoil the whole atmosphere when you just want to relax and hang out with friends and maybe chat to some other interesting people not prostitutes, and they literally will not take no for an answer sitting at your table or hovering around you at the bar it makes me sick, seriously these establishments should do something to discourage this sot of thing but sadly they dont and i suspect they even encourage it.

Are we living in the same city???
I have NEVER been harassed by “mariposas” in Lima!

If they ever intended to entangle me in a “business talk” they received a friendly (!) refusal in Spanish language – and they accepted it without making a scene, being rude or further insisting.

Reading your comment I get the impression that you see a prostitute behind every tree in Miraflores. If you do not like a certain bar: don’t visit it. If you feel harassed by a girl (OMG…!!!) : talk with the management or somebody to save you. “These” girls also have a right to be in the bar, and, BTW, not every girl in a bar is a puta. Ok, some may be professionals…or amateurs, some may be bricheras, but some may only be interested in Gringos.
Maybe you should revise your image of women?

[Seaimpin_Na_nDaoine]

Are we living in the same city???
I have NEVER been harassed by “mariposas” in Lima!

If they ever intended to entangle me in a “business talk” they received a friendly (!) refusal in Spanish language – and they accepted it without making a scene, being rude or further insisting.

Reading your comment I get the impression that you see a prostitute behind every tree in Miraflores. If you do not like a certain bar: don’t visit it. If you feel harassed by a girl (OMG…!!!) : talk with the management or somebody to save you. “These” girls also have a right to be in the bar, and, BTW, not every girl in a bar is a puta. Ok, some may be professionals…or amateurs, some may be bricheras, but some may only be interested in Gringos.
Maybe you should revise your image of women?

first of all to educate you a little "mariposa" is a derogatory term for homosexuals in peru

secondly i think it is you who needs to revise your image of women or "girls" as you refer to them as

[chi chi]

I don't understand how anyone can enjoy going to a strip club. What so exiting of seeing women taking her clothes off.
Or do they really enjoy women that are most likely sexslaves that are forced to work there?

I think that the ones that go to stripclubs are the ones that can get a gf because they have an attitude problem or some kind of mental disturbance.

[gringito]

first of all to educate you a little "mariposa" is a derogatory term for homosexuals in peru

First of all, thank you very much for your well-meant educational intentions and the reflection of your sound experience.
Though my parents were competent in educational matters and not Lima´s streets or bars, after 18 years Peru I really appreciate your input. However, I cannot confirm that said term is exclusively employed for homosexuals – but maybe it is in your circles.

secondly i think it is you who needs to revise your image of women or "girls" as you refer to them as

Apart from the fact that this is a cheap tit-for-tat response (rethorically achived by a mere repetition of what the other person said) it is neither an argument nor a complete sentence.
If you wish to say something, please complete and clarify your sentence.

@chi chi:
Morality is different between individuals, groups and cultures.
While prudery is more common in Anglo-American countries it is seldom found in Latin America. Moreover, sexual ethics are very different in these regions.
Personally, I avoid wagging my finger at someone or blaming her/him as mentally ill as far as, for example, his/her sexual preferences are concerned. In particular, I do not interfere in mutual private agreements between adults. My personal tolerance usually ends where intolerance and superiority thinking begin, be it in daily life, in a forum or at the counter of a bar. Live and let live.
Just my 2 Cents, compadre.

[vivaperusurf]

Just go! Dont go alone, find a friend who can watch your back if possible..or someone familiar with the places you want to go. Dont worry about your mom, forget all about her, have a few drinks to help with that.

If it is possible it would be much better for you to work on looking for a girlfriend, but i can tell from the way you posted here that may be an issue for you:-) no offense.

Dont know lima well but in the trujillo area, and every other city i visted chiclayo, huaraz, cajamarca, tarapoto, piura, talara, mancora, all over the north....there were at least a few real clubs and bars. Just need to ask around and ask the right people. Of course those places have a few prostitutes but plenty of normal women, girls, couples, etc. I always had the best luck finding single girls at the beach, who came to hang out and drink with their friends. Fun times easy to talk to them get a number or two buy them a few rounds and maybe a date later that night or whenever.

Good luck! Hope it works out well for you and whatever you do be safe. Or you could just ask your mom to set you up with someone? Who knows maybe she knows someone

[chi chi]

Dont know lima well but in the trujillo area, and every other city i visted chiclayo, huaraz, cajamarca, tarapoto, piura, talara, mancora, all over the north....there were at least a few real clubs and bars. Just need to ask around and ask the right people. Of course those places have a few prostitutes but plenty of normal women, girls, couples, etc.

It hard to pick up a decent girl in a bar. Most girls in Peru don't like drinking and don't like men that drink. Girls that hang out in bars are the kind of girls that hang out with drunks.

Besides, you are drunk, she is drunk, how can you converse normally?

I always had the best luck finding single girls at the beach, who came to hang out and drink with their friends. Fun times easy to talk to them get a number or two buy them a few rounds and maybe a date later that night or whenever.

Sure, fun times for them as the gringo pays the bill. Sure, a date later on...and their friends come to the date too as the gringo will pay the bill. Don't drink whilst meeting girls and don't meet girls that are drinking.

[gringito]

It hard to pick up a decent girl in a bar. Most girls in Peru don't like drinking and don't like men that drink. Girls that hang out in bars are the kind of girls that hang out with drunks.

Besides, you are drunk, she is drunk, how can you converse normally?

It seems that some of the previous writers did not really have decent girls in their mind. Therefore, they may not consider this as an obstacle.

Girls in Peru don't drink?! I fear they have already emancipated themselfs.

Furthermore, some of the previous male writers apparently did not have verbal conversations in mind. Consequently, even drunk it wouldn´t matter. Moreover, "normal conversations" (what is normal???) are already impossible in an average Peruvian discotheque. Finally, you assume that they WILL get drunk (not only tipsy, not even semi-sober or having only a single decent pisco sour.... ) in a bar and/or that girls in bars always hang out with drunks. This is a generalization and stereotypical. There does not exist such automatism.

[perico pin pin]

i must be in "another peru"
ive hanged out alot in bars from the more fancy to the little ones in the conos
a lot of woman there drinking, old and young..with guys and by them selfs