Social Stagnation in Lima

This is the place for ON or Off topic conversations. Almost anything goes - but be kind, and no trolling.
Forum rules
While the rules in this forum are more relaxed than in other parts of the Expat site, there are still a few things we’d like you to remember: No name calling, no insults – be civil to each other!
Ragnorak20
Silver Member
Silver Member
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:42 am

Social Stagnation in Lima

Postby Ragnorak20 » Tue Aug 13, 2013 11:55 pm

Hello everyone,

I don't know if you guys have noticed but I observed that relationships don't change much in Lima. Or even people and what they do it seems like everyone "sigue el entierro." Now this is not me criticising others but rather to try to understand what is going on? Why aren't some people moving forward towards something better? Why does it seem that the society does not change much?

Here I have two examples

1)I have a peruvian uncle who is now 43 and has been in a relationship with a woman for 25 years they are not married but have two daughters. Their relationship is extremely negative and it has even turn violent when this woman has tried to stab him with a knife as well as tried to poison him. On the other hand, my uncle has a younger daughter with another woman. Moreover, the woman's family dislike my uncle and have tried to do him harm multiple times.

I don't understand my uncle, what is going on? In another country the logical thing would have been to end the relationship. When he is asked why he does not split up with his girlfriend he puts the excuse that it is because of his daughters that he doesn't want to see them suffer. However, one of his daughters is 15 and the other is 22. So I think that they are mature enough to understand. Now, this could only be my uncle's business but at the same time he lives with my grandparents every morning and afternoon instead of living at home(which is actually one of my houses in which we have allowed him to stay there with his family) he only goes there to sleep. While his girlfriend works as a hairdresser and sees him at most of the time only at night. In addition, I have also seen his girlfriend going to parties with younger men.

Finally, it is not in his relationships in which things aren't going that well but also in his business. He works at my grandfather taxi business. In which he rents cars to drivers and they pay him a fee per day.(By the way he does this at my grandmother's house that is why he is always there.) For instance, he befriended one driver let's call him X . Things worked well for awhile with X paying. However, X disappeared for 4 or 5 MONTHS in which he did not pay anything, did not call and he TOOK THE CAR with him! Therefore, my uncle had to look for X's daughter when he found her at school, X took off and my uncle had to chase him with his car and even threw himself to the car(literally.) X simply said "pick up the taxi from the my garage" and then he left. This was some months ago but just three weeks ago X was jobless and asked to be return to his old job. Any logical person would have NEVER had any contact with X again. However, since X started to beg my uncle, after a couple of days of begging. Quess what? HE GOT THE JOB BACK.

I mean what? How can this be possible? It seems like people follow the phrase "Mejor chorro conocido que desconocido" "Better a known burglar than a unknown one." So since my uncle distrusts other people that could be more efficient he just gives X his job back. I think that here is where the problem lays, that people tend to trust the culture in lima one of distrust to make decisions over what is logical, and I have seen it with other people as well this distrust/trust is the key word that explains most of this situations.

2) This other one is more about inner groups and long term relationships. For instance, I graduated high school 2 years ago, I haven't seen most people for 3 years. However, when I check Facebook it appears as if everything is the same the inner groups are still there, the people who used to hang out with each other still do in social gatherings. What's worst is that the nice people are still following the abusive leaders. I mean WHY AREN'T YOU FREE? Now that you are not in high school is your opportunity to get away from most of those people who tried to control you. There is much more in life than life in high school, even Nas said that "there was another life past the ghetto" Why no break those negatives ties, I have started doing that by deleting my Facebook, however, some classmates are still going back to school. What do you guys think of schools in Lima? I went to a "elite" one, do you think that those schools are set up more so that people create long term relationships that will enable them to achieve success in Lima? Or are long term relationships mostly a reflection of collectivism and how people have long term friendships? Also why are people very distrustful of strangers and stick to their inner group? For instance, I could go by myself to one of those clubs in Larcomar but no one would talk to me as most are in there own small groups, this has happened to me in Asia Beach as well.

Finally, apart from this examples, I just see year after year the same things, the same people who skate near my aunt's house the same problems that plague some family members, the same cultural myths "drinking cold water will make you sick" or "eating fish at night is dangerous." I'll be leaving peru on Tuesday next week but a lot of things still puzzle me, however what scares me is that fact that the city feels stagnant.
Last edited by Ragnorak20 on Thu Aug 22, 2013 9:07 am, edited 1 time in total.


Hitoruna
Gold Member
Gold Member
Posts: 171
Joined: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:12 am

Re: Social Stagnation in Lima

Postby Hitoruna » Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:34 pm

Your family sounds like a dysfunctional one. On the other hand yeah people hang out with their group. My mother best friend is from HS. But I distanced myself from people from HS. I have seen their FB and it is blah...

drinking cold water is bad for you though :mrgreen:
Ragnorak20
Silver Member
Silver Member
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:42 am

Re: Social Stagnation in Lima

Postby Ragnorak20 » Thu Aug 22, 2013 8:48 am

@Hitoruna

Thank's for your reply. Especially the "disculpa" advice was excellent and worked out.

@Everyone else in the forum
Thank you very much for you advice. I already left Lima and now I am in the States. Despite this, before leaving I was able to carve a niche for myself in Lima and made a bunch of acquaintances on peruvian forums about sharing information of clubs/night clubs and their services.

I did well just following the rules and respecting the authorities. However, I noticed it was highly hierarchical as well as fragmented. In spite of this, if you follow the social rules and behave accordingly(not questioning the authority, not going against the group, being respectful, collaborating) you will make friends.


Best wishes to everyone who is still in Lima, my advice would be just be patient and follow the rules. :D

Best,
Ragnorak

PS: The key word in Lima is "trust" as it is the reason people behave a certain way to try not to be victims of viveza. That is why they make those small inner groups for protection and that is the reason they are distant towards strangers(peruvian strangers/outsiders of the inner groups not foreigners who are revered depending if there are white or not)

Also watch out for the leader, each group has their own leader and they will follow along what he says sometimes inside those groups are nice people but they need to go with what the leader says.

Return to “Expat Conversations”

Login  •  Register