HI to one and all.
I don't know what I'm looking for, legal advice? Similar horror stories?
My own story is that I met a girl on the internet in 2008, A limena. We had a lot in common and chatted often, her financial situation (unlike mine at that time) was dire and desperate, so I began sending her a little extra each week. No more than 100-150 dollars and she certainly never asked for it, so I didnt mind. A friendly gesture. I also bought her a new computer so we could communicate more effectively.
I came to Lima to visit her some months later, and we fell 'in love'. I stayed for 2 weeks, then returned home and went back to work. I next visited her 4 or 5 months later and she asked me to stay. Our relationship was fantastic at that time and I was quite independent so I said OK, sure.
We stayed at her mother's house in Surco and while I initially experienced the usual culture-shock, it was nothing severe as I've lived and worked in 10 countries in the last 20 years. What I couldnt adapt to though, was the domestic staff in the house for 18 hours a day, 6 days a week. Her mother has an 'employment agency' specialising in maids so she cherry-picked and exploited the new ones through the door. Obviously, people need time to adapt to difficult and thankless tasks, but her mother would never give them time, she would find random excuses to fire the girls within the first month, so she could avoid paying them. She then simply persuaded the next new girl in her agency door to work at her home. And repeat.
MY girlfriend didn't want to move out of her mother's house, so I bit my tongue and kept as quiet as I could about what I saw as rampant and shameless exploitation. IN that first year I saw 22 maids come and go.
This was my only real problem with our domestic situation, the zona was nice, the house was nice, I contributed (more than) my share of the household bills and supported us all from my overseas business arrangements. Then my girlfriend announced she was pregnant.
We had an uneventful pregnancy and birth, all went well and I salute Peru's private healthcare system (excellent pre-natal and post-natal care and the doctors and clinicas were really very good.)
We stayed there, in that house for the next 2 years. I continued to try to support everyone financially, but it soon became that the harder I tried, the less everyone else did. It seemed I was the 'backup plan', and people could go to work and not try to make money. In no time at all, my bank was empty and things started to become desperate so shortly after my son's first birthday, I took the heartbreaking decision to return to England alone to form a new business and advance the necessary Visa processes so I could fly my partner and son to England a few weeks/months later.
I continued to send money back to Lima, weekly, and all was going to plan in the UK for the first 4 months until my business was robbed and I lost 50 grand and had to go into insolvency. Undeterred, I started another one but my 'partner' suddenly announced she wanted nothing more to do with me. She told me she didn't love me anymore and if I wanted to be a father, would be on her terms.
She told me I would need to fly to Lima to see him, but she would no longer come to England. I would never be allowed to take him from her house, and would be supervised at all times in case I 'kidnapped him and ran off into the jungle' For the record, I have never threatened or insinuated such a terrible thing,and the thought of it disgusts me. For the last year and a half, I have regularly contributed A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY on an endless circuit of medical emergencies, freak accidents and even her internet and phone bill so I can see my flesh and blood on Skype.
She has now forbidden the Skype thing, says it's not good for him to have an internet daddy, and I can only agree. As hard as it sounds, I agree. I'd much prefer to live around the corner, and he can come to mine whenever he likes and we can have some kind of 'normal' father-son relationship, but she now tells me that if I come to live in Peru, she will move where I 'cant find her'
I have done nothing wrong to this woman, all I ever did was help and support and sacrifice, and now I get kicked in the teeth at every turn. I have even offered to help her get out of Peru, to put her and my son in a nice place here in the UK for six months, so my son can meet his extended family and see his father face-to-face for the first time in 18 months. She wants none if it. All she wants, is LA PLATA. Daily, weekly, she demands more and more and more and I get less and less and less. I even had to buy recent photos of my son from her, but that was 6 months ago and she hasnt had the humanity to send me any since then. She doesnt even have the humanity to add me to her 475-friend strong facebook so I can see new pictures of my son. On the computer I bought for her, and the internet connection I regularly pay for.
There's a word for her, and it rhymes with ditch.
Anyway, the latest offense involves my son. I looked on her youtube channel and found a new video she had made. Was a commercial for a jeans manufacturers in Peru. A promotional advert. My son features in the video for about 5 seconds, twice. I was horrified. I contacted her and asked why is he in the video? Surely it's illegal to use an unregistered child actor in a commercial venture? Isnt that child exploitation? Wouldnt she need some kind of governmental approval? Not to mention my rights as a father to approve such a thing. I was never consulted on this and in fact quite the opposite: she kept the whole thing secret and even asked me for money at the time it was filmed - because 'she wasnt working'.
She treats me like I have NO RIGHTS AT ALL, and like a dog.
I would like to hear similar stories of 'peruvian love', or maybe an opinion on where I can go from here. What is Peruvian custody law like? How much would I need to guarantee a friendly judge? One thing is for sure, I don't trust my son's future in the hands of such a woman. She has lived off (and still lives off) the charity of her 68 yesar old mother, and sister for the last 12 years, and myself for the last 5. I have gone from respecting the value of a mother in a young boy's life, to fearing for him on all levels and I dont know what to do for the best. I would love to think I could setup alone in Lima, close to my son, but she makes any kind of civilised discourse completely impossible and well, we all know how is life in Lima generally. It's a very hard place to begin a new life with enemies all around.
Thanks for reading.
Last edited by Silvascreen
on Sun Sep 08, 2013 7:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.